Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
my dog Xena was prowling, protecting the house
The stockings had runs, thanks to Nikki's fun without care
and I ran thru the house, nude, naked, bare

until at the door, the garage one, it did open
I grabbed for my boxers, right side in I was hope'n
I threw on a shirt and some shorts I thought matched
I put on two shoes, one brown and one black

I went to the door and unlocked the latch
I threw open the storm door and checked my shirt tag
And what did I see in my garage space?
Some fat man with unusual speed, dexterity & grace

His face was round, wind-blown and red
his clothes were the same, covered in bugs, all dead
His boots were worn down and missing their soles
His pants were no better, the crotch had a hole

He made his way in, heading straight for the tree
He met first the coffee table, with his left knee
He cursed and cussed and made such a tinkle
I thought to myself "This is Kris Kringle?"

He grabbed for the gift in his graying sack
not caring too much he tossed it to the back
it landed with a thud next to the one wrapped in black,
the one with holes that hissed, Grandma wrapped up her cat...

With a scratch of his ass and a gulp of warm milk
he perused through the kitchen to see what he could bilk
Grabbing the pudding some 3 weeks old
and the plate of brisket already covered in mold

He went back to his sleigh, and hooked to the right
the reindeer must be blind, or senile at night
they hit the street light, taking it out
along with Dasher, Dancer and Donner's left snout

They recovered altitude almost hitting my car
but hit the neighbor's tree, they didn't get far
As they fell to the street, Santa's words I heard him say:
"Goddamn you flying assholes, you ruined my sleigh!"

-I never get tired of re-posting this one. I must have been drinking some powerful eggnogg that day I wrote it back in 2003.

4

Found this on Ivettes site:

Four jobs you’ve had in your life: Morning Show Producer, Assignments Editor, amusement park ride operator, alarm monitor

Four movies you could watch over and over: Office Space, Tomorrow Never Dies, X2 X-Men Unlimited, Austin Powers: Goldmember

Four places you’ve lived: El Paso...

Four TV shows you love to watch: Family Guy, Mythbusters, Futurama, Star Trek Deep Space Nine

Four places you’ve been on vacation: San Antonio, Corpus Christi, Chicago, Las Cruces

Four websites you visit daily: fark.com, metafilter.com, snopes.com, illwillpress.com

Four of your favorite foods: Pizza, lasagna, tacos, chicken parmesan

Four places you’d rather be: Alaska, Hawaii, Japan, Rome

Kickin' it Old School

So, here I sit on vacation. IM bored off my ass and well, my Playstation 2 is out of commission.



I've played every Playstation 1 game I have and was really going insane. I loaned out my Gameboy to my niece and nephew and was starting to get desperate for some entertainment until I remembered something I had stored in one of my drawers.



I weeded through the drawers in my closet and found it. My brother had bought this SEGA Genesis off his friend for like $50 back in the day & just left it. It's been resting in my closet since the last time I borrowed a few games from my friend Joe. So I pulled it out and the cords and connectors for it...



...and other things...



Remind me to show you what else I have stashed away in my drawers...



I also found my only two games.



This was yesterday I took the pictures. I've been playing the games since. Man, how the time flies by...

STRANGE FINDINGS FROM THE INTERNET LXX

*Lookie who's back!*

No thanks to Ivette, I am a Trekkie. Next Gen and DS9 are my favorites and I will admit the movies were great. Well, there's talk about a new Star Trek movie, based on the "mirror universe" story line of several episodes of Next Gen. It was rumored William Shatner was going to make a cameo in the last Star Trek series Enterprise, but didn't do it. Now, they took the idea and...

Downloading my songs from CD to iTunes is awesome. The one thing I don't like is that the lyrics aren't automatically downloaded with the songs from the iTunes library. Well, there's a reason for that. Fucking music industry.

I plan on buying a new laptop come the new year. It's going to be a new Apple iBook. The cases themselves are works of art, with simple and elegant clean lines with just the touch of minimalism that form & function follow to the letter. How do you improve on it? Well, if you happen to have a $20,000 laser etcher lying around your rumpus room and some artsy photos, you can have yourself a custom made laptop case!

Stuck as to what to get the person that has everything? I bet he doesn't have a working desktop trebuchet.

These foreign signs are hilarious. The Seoul Korea police signs are fucking stupid if you ask me.

Panoramic view of Paris (with points of interest highlighted).

An now, some Friday funnies. King Kong kicks ass...

I like these things

I got this in an email the other day and thought how much people like being voyeurs, so I decided to cut, paste & answer the questions rather than send it back to the person who sent it to me.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Well, if we go based on the first alarm clock to go off, I wake up at 2:58am.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
4. What is your favorite TV show at the moment? Mythbusters
5. What did you have for breakfast? Cereal
6. What is your middle name? David
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian
8. What do you dislike? Having to repeat myself or explain ordinary everyday actions.
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? As of late, chili cheese fritos
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Incubus - A Crow Left of the Murder
11. What kind of car do you drive? 2005 Dodge Neon SXT
12. Favorite sandwich? Ham sandwich (bread, mustard, ham, ham, ham) and fritos.
13. What characteristic(s) do you despise? People who wait till you make an ass out of yourself to point out a way of doing the exact same thing their way, and speaking to you when you are trying to talk to someone on the phone (especially when they are staring at you and can see you're trying to concentrate on conversation)...
14. Favorite item of clothing? I would say it would be my collection of Simpsons boxers
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? As much as I hate the cold, I would love to take an Alaskan kayak vacation.
16. What color is your bathroom? It's yellow. Not the color I would have chosen.
17. Favorite brand of clothing? GAP
18. Where would you retire to? South Texas
19. Favorite time of the day? Noon
20. What was your most memorable birthday? I don't know. None really stand out...
21. Where were you born? In a hospital.
22. Favorite sport to watch? baseball (Chicago Cubs & Boston Red Sox)
23. What fabric detergent do you use? Gain, All
24. Coke or Pepsi? IB&W Cream Soda
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night person. Definitely night.
26. What is your shoe size? 14
27. Do you have any pets? Yes, my puppy is a German Shepperd/ Beagle mix
28. What did you want to be when you were little? I remember being at Bassett Center mall when I was like 5 when one of the TV stations was there getting footage of shoppers and thought how cool that was. Then in the 6th grade, me and my parents passed by KTSM Channel 9 when I leaned forward from the back seat and said "I'm gonna work there". They dismissed it...

Tis the season

Remind me to tell you about the fucked up dream I had last night.

After doing some laundry the other day, I came to the realization that Levis are an inferior quality jean. I own several pair of jeans from at least 8 years ago that still fit, and are ok to look at, but are starting to show their age. The new ones I bought aren't fairing too well, tears along the seat, belt loops that are torn from their stitching and buttons that are tearing free of their anchors are really starting to annoy me. Paying $45 a pair and having 4 out of 6 pair fucked up IS fucked up!

So I went to the mall on Monday. Yes, the mall. Cielo Vista Mall. I have an account at J.C. Penney's. I figure I had some cash on the card to go purchase some new clothes. I get there and find every single style of jeans featuring my size is out of my size. Terrific. So, I am hunting the entire stack of clothing in every bin when the guy standing less than 2 feet from me cuts a pretty hefty fart. I freeze and look at him, to which he looks at me and casually walks away!

I was heavily disturbed. I grabbed several pair and ran into the changing room. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I was making good headway at being disgusted. I tried several pair on and decided to just leave everything there and try my hand at shopping for clothing online. I had several pair of various sizes so I could judge what brands fit at what size so when I order online, I didn't need to actually try them on and return them if they were incorrect. The less time I spend at the mall around really gassy people the better.

I might take another stab at the mall, but I doubt it. People wonder why I don't enjoy the mall.

WTF of the Day

The Vehicle:
1995-1999 Cadillac DeVille



Pimp'd Parts:


Genuine Continental Spare Tire Kit


Faux Rolls Royce-style grille with custom inlay logo.


GM small/ light duty truck/ offroad rims/ tires combination.

Found some new information

While on a scouting mission, stumbled onto some interesting ruins. I will be taking the camera out and getting some evidence of the impact of something that really did try to influence a community positively. Its actually pretty sad to think that people's hopes and beliefs were held in one location being a success -- a fleeting, hopeless dream of entertainment & merriment.

More to come.

Photograph

IM pretty sure you've heard the new single from Nickelback titled Photograph. If not, its about a guy who goes back home to thumb through his photo album he has in his old room. While looking for a picture of a friend of his, he starts remembering all the classic moments of his youth, arcade shenanigans, public school expulsion, wondering how his eyes got so red...

If you haven't heard it, its a pretty haunting song. Not as haunting as a leftover bean & churro burrito, but haunting in the sense that it makes you stop and remember your days of forgotten youth. I actually sat in the car one afternoon listening to the song and was at the verge of crying out of regret that I didn't take pictures of my school days like the penman of the song.

Then, I snapped out of it and started to think to myself what self conscious person would take a camera with them to school & other social gatherings and snap pictures of hijinks & random acts of stupidity (and no, even though this fits me and my friends in school)? I honestly don't know of many people who I went to school with who decided to take a camera with them and docudrama their lives in a mosaic that just rests at the bottom of their picture drawer.

I also started to think to myself if it was just me & El Paso's small town mentality, because there are people who swore up one side and down the other about how their high school lives were just the toast of the town and wouldn't mind reliving them again. I remember mine only when I meet someone from my past and am reminded how bitter and distrustful I became because of these people. I did meet the brother of a tormenter of mine and found that the rest of the family didn't share his disposition on people.

I bought my yearbook. Class of 1997. It sits in a drawer in my closet, hidden from the light, only emerging when I thumb through the contents of that drawer for a forgotten CD or to gaze upon my rather small Anime action figure collection. Usually its pushed to the side or placed out of the way, and seldom opened to remind myself of the people I didn't want anything to do with, and to an extent, still don't.

I listen to Nickelback's song and love the composition of the piece, the way the author of the song relives the highlights of his youth and gives that slight pregnant pause in thought that maybe he's looking for the photo of a friend because they aren't around anymore for unknown reasons and makes you just ever so poignantly sad because of this rather ambiguous context of searching for old photos of friends.

I think I will keep this song in my mind a musical journey through the storytellers past, not of my own.

THE LIGHT, IT BURNS

So I pick up Mike D from Power 102 this morning and happen to notice that the front porch light at his house was abnormally bright. En route to work today, we talked about it. It seems he had installed some of those low consumption but brighter-than-a-nuclear reaction energy saver lightbulbs all around the house, that also included around his front door and the yard lighting in his back yard. Turning them on brought out his neighbors from all around.

Laughing, I told Mike about my venture in electrical lighting. A few weeks ago, I had changed the lighting fixtures in both the kitchen and the dining room at the house, and with the new fixtures, we bought new bulbs, the same low watt energy savers as the rest of the house. The fixture's warning label warned not to place any bulb higher than 60 watts. Well, if anyone has ever bought the damn things, the low watt 60's are about the same output as 160 watt flood lights. Couple this with the 5 bulb design and you got one powerful searchlight hanging from the ceiling!

Yeah, I had made that mistake when I got home at 11pm that night. I never saw what it looked like with all of the bulbs on, so I innocently turned the fucking thing on and toasted my retinas. Once my eyes adjusted to the blinding white light and dead relatives stopped beckoning, I saw the living room was flooded with light and it just kept creeping down the hallway! I swear if you looked outside it would have looked as if I had opened an otherworldly portal into another dimension. The light was that fucking bright.

Since that blinding moment, the bulbs have been replaced with 30 watts. Don't be fooled though, the light is still fucking bright but at least you don't need sunglasses at night.

Why do I even bother sometimes?

It's more of a rhetorical question I ask myself whenever I stop and try to do some shopping before work. You see, I go and buy the stupidly needless items that I really don't need, but bothers me that I don't have. Today's stupidly needless item were a set of foam covers for my iPods earbud headphones. You see, the original set have been removed by months of abuse and picking them up and moving them about in the car. IM sure I sucked up one of them in the car vacuum.

I digress. So I leave work early and decide to stop at a local Radio Shack. Well, the one close to my house is closed, so I thought about just getting off the freeway before the Sunland Park exit and look for one. My fellow commuters were fucking nutzoid, I wasn't quick to throw the clutch and pop into first gear when the light changed and the prompt knuckle-dragging mouth breather in back of me laid on the horn! Well, After shifting into second I just let the car idle in gear, really annoying him for his rather rude way of getting me going! I would understand if I were just sitting there with the light green and my thumb up my ass enjoying myself and he blared the horn...

So I guess it was a bit of karma coming back to me. I was at the next lights turn lane and when the light changed, the vapid excuse for a person driving in front of me was searching his car for God only knows what. I laid on that horn after the entire second turn lane had already gone and with him aware of his stupidity, we made it through the light with me catching the red. Oh, I made sure I welcomed his presence into stupidity with the one finger salute at door-to-door range.

Eventually, I get to Circuit City, knowing there isn't a Radio Shack around my area and look for the stupid foam covers. In a huge electronics store like Circuit City, there was none. I then searched around for some time and couldn't find them. I eventually got to Best Buy and found them there, but for something that should be stupidly inexpensive, they were ridiculously outrageous! I paid $8 for a two pack of foam protectors. That means I paid $2 for each stupid little foam covers!

So, getting to work, I took a moment & re-gathered my thoughts, went inside & put the new covers on my headphones. I think I will just stop trying to do things and buy things around this time, because I tore one trying to put it on...

Caveat Paenitendus

Yes, I already used this title before...

Seriously, I have no idea why I always second guess what I buy. I think it all goes back to the Cavalier. I wasn't exactly happy that I was forced to buy a car when my first car, the 1991 Pontiac Sunbird died on me. The Cavalier was one of those purchases that needed to be done, but I grew to like it. Buyers remorse hit when I couldn't put the top down on the car. Other things I have regretted:

• The Mustang
• the first iPod
• the eMachines desktop computer
• the Dell Inspiron laptop
• the Neon
• Sprint PCS
• RayBan Sunglasses

So, I am going to set some things right. I am going to undo one of the above listed and really drastically change the way I do things. I have decided to go and buy another laptop. This time, I am buying an Apple. I haven't used an Apple computer in at least 10 years, but I can catch on pretty fast.

My biggest problem is I don't know anyone who owns one to help me in case I have questions...

Evidence

As promised, I snuck the laptop into the radio station and uploaded the pictures from my camera of the wedding.


Best Man & Groom.


The happily married couple.


The Court.


The really drunk bride and heavily buzzing Best Man.

-The rest are being held for ransom...

Awesome Holiday & Weekend Festivities

Where to begin. Thursday was awesome, I had the entire day off and loved it. Ate turkey, all the family was over, it was a feel good time that felt like a Hallmark card come to life. Mom always makes the turkey and every year it seems to get better. This years turkey was pretty juicy and flavorfull. Seconds and thirds were had before the dinner was done. IM just a sucker for the rolls. Those bread rolls are my absolute favorite. I'm sure if I ate those all year they wouldn't feel as special as they are whenever we eat them at Thanksgiving.

I loaned my niece and nephew my Gameboy and one of the games, so they're keeping themselves out of my sisters hair. Problem is, they're probably fighting over it and getting in her hair, completely avoiding the sort of thing my sister was looking forward not to happen.

Oh well.

I didn't bring the laptop or the camera, so I will be updating photos of the festivities tomorrow sometime.

Shopping Observations

A lot of what I say is generic enough to apply to most major retail & electronics stores in the country, but I will say that it all happened at one store.

I mentioned yesterday that I was interested in getting the Aeon Flux DVD set. I drove to one of the major retail stores and started a frantic search for it. Wouldn't you know it, the store was unusually packed. The aisles were filled with parents and children blocking everything with shopping carts and inconsiderate helions. A grunt of frustration escaped my mouth and actually hit the ears of the offending parent. She looked at me incredulously then backed away.

Finding the DVD set, I walked to the register and waited in the shorter of two evils. Such goes the mad holiday rush that there are only two registers open for holiday shopping. This store is notorious for only having two exit-area registers open at any given point, but keeping two cashiers on hand for the holiday crush. I stood and waited as the clerk answered asinine after asinine question from the customer and (of course) saw the other, longer line going faster than mine.

It was about this point where I shut my brain functions down to the essentials (breathing, heartbeat, muscles to ensure I am still standing) and kinda lost myself into my own little utopia when the sick sound of a body hitting the floor echoed through the entire building. The ambient noise of the store was silent for about a second then resumed. I broke my trance and saw a child (no more than 4) had run around like a pinhead and tripped, falling with the characteristic's of a rag doll.

Then I started to think to myself how different a child falls in comparison to an adult. A child has no concept of self preservation until they realize that their falls can have serious repercussions, such as excruciating pain, broken bones or the possibility of severe and deadly injuries. Children fall down face first and never try to catch themselves because they lack this self preservation instinct. As adults, we can't afford to be broken and in pain, so we try and lessen the fall or try other methods of preventing serious injury.

So, with the child up off the floor and seemingly no worse than before the fall, it was time for me to pay for my purchases. I had a wad of cash on hand and instead of paying for my DVDs with my debit card, I thought it would be nice to (for once) pay with old fashioned money. Interesting concept until you bring in the variables.

I thought I was being retro 1999 when I was paying for items in cash. I thought to myself how cool it was to actually exchange money with a company and give my purchase that extra oomph of pride that I did my purchase sans finance charges or debit pensmanship. Then it hit me. The girl manning the register wasn't at all prepared for someone to pay with cash for anything. She asked to be excused and went to another department to get change for my purchase. Now, my DVD was mired with the hassle of exact change only, and not the old fashioned method of payment.

Lesson learned: Online shopping & debit cards from this point forward.

And yeah, I did get ugly looks from people in line behind me.

Miss me?

*dusts off a cobweb*

Well, its been a good couple of days that I haven't really put too much effort into ol' Blank Media. I've been working on a few requests for the Magic Landing website and still trying to get the handle on Photoshop, so that's been taking up a huge amount of time. People go insane for the old park when you promise them a lot and don't update frequent.

Lessee. Life is good so far, nothing real major to say. I've been assisting as much as I can contribute to a non-profit organization in New Hampshire, so that's also taking up some valued free time and aside from all of that I am doing pretty damn good. I saw that Circut City & Best Buy will have Aeon Flux, the DVD box set coming out soon. I was a real fan of the cartoon series that sadly lasted one season, but the set coming out soon will be added to my collection today.

The tediousness of the two jobs is starting to wear on me a little. The lack of sleep and the lack of a social life is really a hindrance to being noticed. I like the second income, so I am perservering. With this extra income, the XM has been installed in the Neon, the iPod was purchased and my switch back to T-Mobile happened, not to mention the trip to Chicago.

Joe's wedding is this weekend. Man, it seems so looming. I think there's a rehearsal this evening at the church. I better check on that.

Don't worry, I will be updating a lot more from now on.

Brain Puree`

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

6. In many liquor stores you can buy pear brandy with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

7. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.

8. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the Los Angeles Lakers?

10. There are 7 ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls (a walk) is one way. Name the other 6.

11. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

12. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

Sabbatical

So I took a week off from Blank Media to relax. While I was relaxing I was contemplating several things. IM never happy with whatever I buy. I think the only things I've been happy with so far have been my sunglasses, laptop, um...

That's about it. If everything goes the way I want it, I might buy something pretty major either 2006 or 2007 and yes, people will get jealous.

I've also been asked when the hell IM supposed to update the Magic Landing site. It will be soon.

Score one for the good guys!

Working at Sonitrol, I've been learning what the normal audio activations from accounts sound like. For the past couple of weeks, we kept getting valid activations from an abandoned grocery store in town from the audio sensors and interior motion detectors. Each time they activate, me and my co-worker will dispatch police only to find everyone gone and a tag on the account as "False Alarm".

Friday was rough. We could hear them breaking in. They used a saw on one of the already boarded up windows. They entered, and they ran off with whatever they were looking for. I was arguing with the cops for too long for them to effectively do their job. That was the police dispatchers fault, not the cop on the beat. My co-worker and I were furious that we had the chance and couldn't get them.

I guess criminals aren't logical thinkers. The guys who broke into the building weren't professionals, and they certainly weren't of age. Juveniles. You could hear them skating in front of the store, you could hear them plot. The sad part was, they didn't know when to stop.

You see, had they been ok with their own malfecence, they could have been another statistic on burglary rates in the city. Instead, they got cocky. They tempted fate again on Saturday. They figured they didn't get caught the day before. Might as well try again. Their luck was with them, we managed to get a police unit to the scene but unfortunately, they left before police got there. They succeeded in breaking a window.

Then, last night, everything changed.

Last night Colette and myself were in central station and were pretty busy for most of our shift. Colette went to work on some paperwork of hers, and I sat back and started to monitor the RADDS. Since buying my new phone, I will admit I was text messaging people most of my shift, but I was keeping a keen ear out on the alarms. I looked up at the latest account to send our system an alarm activation, and it was the abandoned grocery store.

They returned.

This time, they were faster getting into the building. I guess the previous times they entered they paved an easy path into the business. I got the alarms and immediately started the recording process. All audio from the account was being recorded on a simple $1.89 audio tape. I then started to call dispatch, when Colette decided to try a different routine. I cleared as many alarms from the screen as possible and focused on the audio of the alarm and locations. Colette called for police dispatch and as a team worked on giving the police all the information they needed.

It seemed like it took a while. I would sit and listen to the kids break items inside the store, then follow their steps inside. For a moment, it sounded like they ran away. The detectors couldn't detect anything and for a moment, I thought they took out a sensor in their rampage. Then, as I raised the volume to its maximum volume, I could hear running. Lots of running. Then I heard police radios. I couldn't hear what the cops were saying, but they definitely found something. I looked at Colette as she got final parting words from police dispatch, she held up three fingers.

We caught three suspects.

Listening back to the audio detectors, we could hear the policeman enter the business and access the damages. Then, his partner could be heard talking about the charges. From what they mentioned, they're being charged with criminal trespass & criminal breaking & entering. Colette and I finally had a chance to catch our breaths & gave ourselves a high five for the great tag-team on this successful assistance apprehension.

I had this sense of pride and accomplishment that I had never felt before and thought to myself this morning that its probably the same feeling police officers feel when they apprehend someone. It feels great.

Random Thoughts

The Sharp cell phone, Sidekick II is a great phone but is a power hog. So far in the few days I have had it, Its been plugged in 6 hours and can go for about a day and three quarters before its dead and needs more juice. Reminds me of a child at Michael Jacksons compound.

I have been working on the next update to the Magic Landing website. It's not the quality I am hoping for, but I am working with what I have left of unused photos (that are actually usable) and information that has nearly dried up. I did contact some people with regards to some of the rides that once adorned the park. If I get access to this information, I might post pictures and an interview if I get that far.

I won't be able to take my vacation close to the end of the year in Chicago with Joes wedding pending. It's one of the other, and I am already his best man. Chicago will just have to wait.

Got the XM radio half installed. The bracket looks great, I just need to hunt down the antenna I bought.

IM hungry, gonna eat my sammich.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

So I haven't been updating. Some of you haven't been either.

Bah.

I did go out and do something incredibly stupid and incredibly geeky.



I ended my contract with Sprint and went back to T-Mobile. It was a little more expensive than any other phone I ever bought, but something I am learning is you pay for quality.

And, just as an F.Y.I. I retained my old cell number, so nothing changes.

Oh, it supports both Yahoo Instant Messenger and AIM Messenger, so if you want to chat, just scroll down and see my screen names on my sidebar.

Memories

One of the best creations of the 1980's was the Fruit Rollup. It was a flat fruit candy that came in a roll and came in varied flavors. My mom never bought Fruit Rollups. She thought it was too expensive for such a small box of so few candies. I remember my friends moms would buy them and I would make an ever so timely appearance at my friends houses whenever they went to the grocery store.

Well, I had always loved the taste of the rollups. They were delicious. I would sit and ever so enjoy the taste and really savor it. It was rare I had one, and the ones offered in stores today resemble nothing of the original product that was initially released. The first few times I had one, however, was a really bad experience. You see I was just handed the Rollup in it's package. No other instructions. I opened it, unrolled it and was enthralled with the fruity smell of it. I didn't even unroll it at times, I just opened up and...

*CHOMP*

Chewy. Yeah, it was really chewy. I remember it was really hard to chew and tear apart. In the commercials they showed it really easy to tear and eat. Then I looked at the rolled up candy in hand and noticed something odd.

Plastic.

It was held together with a sheet of plastic. Thin as Saran Wrap, it was hard to see. I had eaten 2 previous to that one and realized that I had eaten it with the plastic still on!

I stopped eating them since.

Spooky Stories

In line with the holiday spirit (HA!), I thought it would be great to sit down this spooky season and tell a couple of scary stories that have happened to me that I can remember.

Yes, I believe in ghosts. I believe they are around us at times. I believe places are more haunted than others. Some might say what I saw could be easily explained by science, facts and other environmental variables within the stories. I will leave the stories open for your interpretation.

One of the most haunted places I ever had to be in was my first radio gig. Located in a really bad area of El Paso, the station used to be many things in its really long history. It started off life as a two story house. Soon, it turned into a two family apartment. Then, after decades of vacancy, it turned into a church, back into a vacant house and finally a radio station (which a new one sits now). I worked at the first incarnation of the radio station and have some rather interesting stories to tell.

Lets build an image of the intimate studio area for you. To gain entrance, you have to park in the rear of the building and walk down a flight of steps to the basement level. Once in, this small area (5 X 10) held a small desk, file cards filled with music and a portable FM radio playing the music the station played. Off to the left wall was the small studio. The studio (8 X 8) had the basics. It held a simple 8 channel audio board, microphone, minidisc player (used for commercials) and two turn tables (seemingly inoperable) set up in a "U" formation. Once seated, you had a window directly ahead into another studio and a smaller window to the right that looked into the studio from the small entrance area and flight of stairs.

With this in mind, lets continue.

The station held its CDs in a rack that was located behind the door to the studio, so the door had to be shut to access the CDs at any given time. The room was large enough for two people to comfortably stand inside and pull and return CDs. One of the most quirkiest things about the room was it had a Plexiglas message board suspended from the ceiling by two chains. Any touching of the board would cause it to rock back and forth. I remember this because when I first started, the guy who I would take over for would have a pet peeve about keeping that board still as possible. I remember one day watching him steady it after removing his playlist. We turned our attention to the CD rack and started to pull and return CDs.

We chit-chatted for a moment, getting the gossip of the building, telling jokes. We both finished at the exact same time, turned to the control board to see the Plexiglas message board swinging wildly back and forth on its chains as if someone pushed it with force. The two of us just stood there and watched it for about two swings. The DJ looked at me and asked if I did that. I said no. I said I watched him steady it, then turned to the CD rack at the same time he did. He reached out, stopped it then we both stayed in silence for about an hour.

Before you say "the AC turned on", it didn't. If it did, all of the papers left on the board would have flown off. The A/C doesn't move an object one full foot to make it swing wildly.

So after this, I eventually got placed on a different shift. I had inherited the closing shift, 3pm - 11pm. I was all alone in this building which I was so psyched about. Then, the noises started. It started with a loud "whumph" against the walls. It usually didn't occur more than once, but it was enough to make you start wondering what the hell it was. Then, more noises started to come about. Noises you couldn't ignore. Sure, old buildings "settle" and they "creak", but are they supposed to call out your name?

I was sitting in the studio, talking to my friend James. It was around 7:45 that night and I had just about every light in the building turned off. I had the stereo in the entrance area turned pretty low so I could hear when someone entered or knocked. I had the studio door closed and the heaters kicked on (it was a cold night) and was just enjoying the intimate studio time. I sat down with the phone in my right ear (which to the right is the door to the studio) and to the left of me was the wall with turn tables. I sat back and was talking when out of nowhere, in my left ear, someone loudly whispered "Michael".

First, no one calls me Michael. Management at the radio station and at Sonitrol don't call me Michael. Only one person calls me Michael, and that's Ivette. I didn't know Ivette at the time.

I froze.

I sat there with about 10 minutes of dead air and James nearly calling the cops to see if I was ok. When I was able to talk again, I told him what happened and he dismissed it by saying it was the song I was listening to.

Lyrics? On a Kenny G song?

Well, after telling management about this, they moved me to my final position at the radio station. I had the weekend job of 11am - 3pm. I loved this shift. Especially on Sundays, I was alone. This didn't mean that I truly was alone. During this shift I heard a lot of the noises from the overnights. I heard the bumps, the creaks, the moans (yes moans) and more importantly, the footsteps upstairs. If anyone has ever stayed in or been in an old house of said vintage, they know that you can hear people walking up stairs clearly. Soft padded flooring or not, you could hear footsteps during the daytime and at night.

After investigating many times the sounds of the mysterious walking person upstairs, I retreated to the studio to voice another commercial break. I gingerly walked down the stairs, entered the studio, closed the door, placed my headphones on & turned on the studio microphone. I gathered the papers together on the Plexiglas message board so I could announce who was coming up next when out of the corner of my eye, someone came from the entrance area, stopped at the window to my right, stared at me for a moment, then turned around and walked halfway up the stairs before disappearing before he hit the landing.

Freaked doesn't begin to describe that feeling. I saw that my music stopped well over a minute ago, so still in shock, I just replayed the same song one more time. I left the studio door open from that point forward. I marked the last day of my radio career at 89.5FM KXCR rather uneventfully. I had then accepted the job at Western Playland Amusement Park, so I was onto other (paid) gigs.

Tomorrow, I will recant the ghosts that walk the building of KTSM Television and others I have encountered.

Tis the season!

Whoa...

Weird, isn't it?

Good for him though.

PS, no, his hand wasn't on my ass.

White Sox Win the WTF of the Year award

Well, like the Boston Red Sox, the Chicago White Sox won their first World Series in like 80-some-odd years. How do you think they celebrate?


*click pic for story*

WHAT THE FUCK?

All I know is Ozzie Guillen on the left has realized the camera was there one second before the image was taken. Its obvious the guy on the right doesn't care.

Did I go too far?

Is there such thing as too far?

All I did was say what really annoyed me about weather coverage.

I am surprised friends of mine in the news media haven't commented on that.

Hurricanes & Reporters

Now, before you get all pissy and in my face I just want to say that when you read this, remember that I used to work in a news room as an assignments editor for the NBC affiliate in El Paso.

What the fuck is it with every news agency sending out their reporters to stand in the middle of a deadly-as-sin hurricane attempting to stand in (DUH) 100mph winds and rain that (when hitting a stationary object) feels like sharp needles piercing the skin with ever strike on the body?

I mean really people. Are we as a collective audience so fucking vapid that we don't have a fathomable idea what a penny flying at 100+ mph does to a plate glass window? Do we not know what a building roof does when it encounters a strong wind? I am watching FOX Newschannel and I am seeing some poor bastard standing outside their hotel, microphone in hand, windbreaker jacket being torn to rags and the rather heavy mic cord literally blown off the ground and is not helping this poor TV underling stand up to this wicked weather.

The cameraman isn't that far from danger either. Wielding a 50+ lb. camera, gear, and listening (in vain) to cues from a director -- usually hundreds of miles away from danger mind you, this poor guy has a blind spot where the camera rests on his shoulder. That 100mph flying penny striking the side of his skull will certainly cause him to wonder if he is paid enough to go through that shit. Which brings me to my point of rant.

Is this entertainment to us? It's news, not fucking entertainment! It could only be considered entertainment if the reporter on scene is some buxom bombshell wearing only a white t-shirt watching the fabric on her shirt become soaked and watching her head vibrate as the air that passes between her empty skull hits a terminal velocity and slowly makes her implants shake loose and fall to around her ankles.

You see, theres a difference between news and entertainment. News is reporting that the hurricane is hitting the city. Entertainment is watching the poor bastard try and stand up in the rain.

Just once, I would love to watch a noted TV anchor, reporter or TV personality who is stupid enough to listen to their director to stand out in one of these Cat. 3 - 5 hurricanes and -- live on TV, get some sort of flying debris to strike them DEAD on live TV.

You heard me.

I want a nice chunk of street sign, some tree, or in a nice irony, a piece of tech equipment to just whip around and bean them good. If they're out by the ocean, maybe have a shot of the cameraman trying to pull the carcass of the recently deceased away from the encroaching tide.

Yes, I worked as an assignments editor. Yes I have had to send the reporter and cameraman out to fucked up locations for (at times) pointless video. I objected to it, but because it was what the director wanted, I complied.

As a viewer of television, I can tell you that I don't want to see a reporter (Geraldo OR Anderson Cooper) out in a hurricane reporting on the obvious.

Hmm, lets see. Hurricane = strong wind.

Ooooh, look! It's the eye of the hurricane! Lets go run outside, establish a link to someone who is being paid more to be safe and secure in a non-weather hit location and report on the devastation so far. Maybe we can get a look at the eye wall as it suddenly slams into the rest of whatever might have survived the initial onslaught and possibly dodge the bullet and run back inside the small alcove that served as a slight sanctuary from the first time.

Don't get me started on the spectators who stand out in the hurricane as well.

All it takes is the death of a beloved TV reporter to make sure all of the other TV producers keep from sending out their newsies. Maybe Sheppard Smith or Matt Lauer. Yeah, a brain-spattered beachfront condo would make one hell of a front page.

... Come on road sign...

The rabbit hole is really deep...

I don't know what it is about me, but I have to sit and ponder about the stupidest things at 4:40am. I started to bring cereal and milk to work with me in the mornings because I can't really eat anything at home because I don't get up with enough time to eat there.



So, I pour the first pack of cereal and scarf that down, then open the second box.



I then start staring at the box and wonder as I am crunching the sugar encrusted non-marshmallow bits just what the fuck they are? There are X's and spades and indeterminable shapes that make me wonder what sorts of "charms" are in Lucky Charms cereal?

So I venture to the General Mills website.

There's not a whole lot of information here except for the point of focus which is the marshmallow anomalies. I mean really, WTF does a red balloon have anything to do with luck? I digress.

So, there's a link to LuckyCharmsFun.com.



Whoa. Didn't I see this on Lord of the Rings? It looks like they took some liberties with Harry Potter, especially with the whole flying bird delivering a scroll thing. The music is a bit creepy too, I might use it for Halloween or something else sinister. I still don't see anything as far as what the hell the non-marshmallow bits are and what they're supposed to represent. So, I click on what looks to be the cereal bits.



HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! THE MARSHMALLOW BITS ARE FUCKING DEAD!!!



How did they die? What supernatural force was behind their demise? Then, as I looked deeper I might have found the cause.



Deep within the bowels of this dark, rainbow road paved cave lies the secrets & lies of all major food chains. The mines. That's right, your favorite breakfast cereals are mined from secret enchanted caves and many a marshmallow entity is killed while trying to feed a nation with its sugar coated goodness.

Nowhere in any of the websites did I find the answer to the question of what the hell the non-marshmallow bits were, but I think I am raising more questions than answers.

Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory?

I had bought the Greatest Hits of Queen (Platinum edition) on Friday and was anxious to play some of the songs that we don't have at the radio station. We don't have the song I Want to Break Free in the Bandit's music catalog and was really wanting to play it. Ralph has the music video on his computer and on our way to San Antonio/ Corpus Christi we watched and listened to it. Its so rare that it's played on any of the radio stations its sad. So I tore it open and started listening to it full blast in the Neon.

Then I saw the other song I hadn't heard in at least 10 years.

It's a Kind of Magic was a song I used to love listening to. I couldn't figure out why I loved it so much as a kid. Maybe it was magic how a song could trap me within its lyrics and superb synthesizers, or maybe it was what I associated the song with.

I used to work for Western Playland. I used to operate the Himalaya. It used to play music while the ride operated. I remember back in the 1980s listening to the music play. I remember as a kid listening to Queen. I remember listening to It's a Kind of Magic. I also associate this song with Magic Landing.

I can't prove it, but I hear it here.

Being sick sucks

Without going into detail, I was sick yesterday. Still feeling woozy today, but thats from not eating anything solid. Took the day off from work, which is rare for me. I am going back tomorrow. Oh well.

Will talk later with something of substance.

Wake up time

My grouping of alarms are set for 3:00am, 3:04, 3:10 and one for 3:20. You would think that these would wake me up, but there's one little snag.

I wake up an hour BEFORE these fucking alarms go off.

I lie in bed and think to myself its going to go off at any moment. The instant I look at the clock it will ring.

No.

The instant I try and resolve to get what remnants of sleep I can, the fucking alarms go off.

Yes, alarms. My cell phone and my desk clock literally ring at the same time. They're regulated by the Atomic Clock. Its happened twice in a week so far and its pissing me off.

ITS FUCKING OBSOLETE

GAAAH!!!

Son-of-a-bitch!!! I barely had the fucking iPod for one month and its now completely obsolete! Apple has pissed off a lot of iPod owners by introducing the iPod VIDEO.



Well, you all know I am gonna keep my 20 gig iPod photo and buy a new 30 gig iPod VIDEO...

YOU BASTARDS!!! THIS IS PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE IN ITS FINEST!!!

It was only a matter of time...

The Sony Playstation Portable (PSP for short) is one of the hottest hand -helds on the market since the original Gameboy debuted back in 1989. I want one, but I need to focus on some other things for now so the PSP is later on down the road. When I do get it, I will be hacking it.

Someone has already loaded an old version of Mac's O/S 7 and other than a 4 hour boot time, it actually runs!

They have a hack for the iPod to run Linux, and if you run Linux, you can still use your iPod to connect and transfer songs.

Sounds like sweet music to me!

I SO wish I was one of these testers

Everyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for the Gran Turismo franchise featured on the Playstation consoles, and everyone knows I can consume hours in front of the controllers playing till my thumbs are numb & raw (I have blisters on my thumbs). I bought into the hype about it being the "Real Driving Simulator". It's as close to the real thing as you can get.

Or is it?



I had always sat on the edge of my chair playing the game imagining what it would be like to actually take the corners at Mazda Raceway Laguna SECA and embrace the spoils of a race win. Imagine the challenge (HA!) of testing whether or not the videogame was EXACTLY like real life? Someone already has...

Just think, you're given the keys to a Ford GT, the track at Laguna SECA and a custom made Gran Turismo race seat for the videogame for one full day. You get tired of one reality and switch to the other. Then you switch again. Then again. Then another time.

Don't wake me up from this dream...

You're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to...

... The internet.

Last night, after doing my half of the shift, I let my co-worker take over the monitoring station and I took up position behind the computer in Central Station. I clicked on the Internet Explorer icon and nothing happened.

I click it again.

Same result.

I reboot the computer.

Click the Internet Explorer.

Nothing.

So I do the next, natural thing an I.T. guy does. I cuss at the screen. That yielded nothing more than a chuckle from my co-worker. Frustrated, I plug in my iPod, crank the volume and start playing Solitare, Spider Solitare & Pinball. Pinball was the most fun, it passed the time ever so slowly but effectively.

It was around this time I realized how addicted I am to the internet. I have a problem, yes I know.

Apple secrets you really don't know about!

Yeah, I know, I know. I've been a real glory hog showing off my collection that's slowly being amassed in the iPod (see right column for updated list) and I am toting the virtues of the iPod wherever I go, but a lot of people don't actually look at what the Apple website actually has. What it offers would really amaze some people into seriously looking at Apple products!

When you visit the Apple home page, click on the tab labeled Apple Store. From here, most people are enamored by the advanced computer technology being flaunted by extreme examples of minimalist advertising. Most people just click the pretty pictures and are waxed over by the text, go straight to the details of the electronics and not notice anything on the special side panels on the Apple Store page. If you read some of them more closely, you will see an unassuming panel labeled Great Deals flanked with a Red SALE tag. It's nearly at the bottom right above the Education Discounts. Click it...

-GASP-

Did you see what I saw?

They have iPod Shuffle for $79!

They even have other Apple products for sale at a discounted price. How can they do it? The discounted prices are for refurbished Apple products. I wouldn't care if I bought a refurbished Apple Mac Mini. They're on sale on this small portion of the Apple website for $399.

The internet is full of some false hopes and dreams, and tons of pornography (WOOHOO!!!) but often times, there are some really great things for the general populace to take hold of and really embrace.

*I cannot supply links to the sites, often times Apple's links have expiration timers to them. Going to www.apple.com and following my directions will yield you the same shocking results.

This laptop is now clean

Last night I tried to play a DVD on the laptop. Seeing that both of my Playstation 2's are inoperable, I popped in Austin Powers Goldmember because I can't get enough of Goldmember's Roller Boogie introduction which uses Earth Wind & Fires Shining Star.

Well, a long story short, it didn't work. I popped in another DVD, nothing. I re-installed the DVD software. Nothing.

So then I got serious.

I re-installed Windows XP & eliminated my dual-boot.

That'll learn it.

I have already finished updating the O/S, now its time to reload all of my programs. The 30 gigabyte HDD I have as my external backup is currently being used to house all of my exported files. I made sure I backed up everything. I won't miss a beat when I re-load the iPod software either. All the songs were saved so I don't need to reload every single CD.

I don't think I will do a dual-boot anytime soon. There were issues with Ubuntu & Kubuntu that I will mention in a later posting.

STRANGE FINDINGS FROM THE INTERNET LXIX

Papa Johns Pizza is (in my opinion) the best pizza I can buy (here in El Paso). It's even better that I can order pizza online and have it delivered pretty fast. In Des Moines, you can get it for free by letting the Des Moines Fire Department inspect your smoke detectors! I don't know if I like this, the unscrupulous people might use this to try home robberies by saying they're delivering pizzas...

Dumb kids, dumber parents.

You know you're screwed when the jury hears the words "I would have fired more bullets if my pistol hadn't jammed" in front of witnesses. I hate my neighbor playing loud music, but I'd at least pay a hitman to do the deed.

I have a Playstation 2. Well, I have two Playstation 2's and neither of them work (Sony has made one serious piece of shit) but I really like the XBox & Halo 2. It seems Hollywood likes it so much they're gonna make a movie with Peter Jackson producing it.

Holy embers Batman!

s l o w w e e k e n d . . . .

Yesterday just dragged like a Neanderthals knuckles. I finished reading Dan Savage's book, and after that, it just seemed to go so slow. I usually take the first half of the shift and let the second half be my rest time. Even though the pressure of the job (HA!) was off, I still stared at the clock wondering why it was so slow in getting to quitting time.

Its pretty bad when you think you're close to going home, then realizing once you look at the clock that barely a minute has passed since you last looked, and you swear its been a half hour. I am hellaciously tired right now. I wanna go home.

Definitely worth reading...

...but I need more books to read. Here at my second job I have finished reading Skipping Towards Gomorrrah - The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America by Dan Savage and I have to say that I really enjoyed his romp through the country finding average(?) Americans doing what they please to make the best out of life.

-Oh, and if anyone wants to know, I want to commit:

1. Sloth
2. Anger
3. Greed

Anyone wants to know WTF I am talking about needs to read the book.

I especially want to commit sloth...

PS... anyone know of any good books to read while I whittle away what little free time I have?
PPS... No, Ivette, I am not reading your books for you.

Is my new car harmful to my health?

Sounds funny, doesn't it? Well it did to me until I heard about some of the things that are potentially dangerous for my health for a few months of new car ownership. The culprit? New car scent.

According to a recent study, that pleasurable smell has been linked to harmful chemicals--volatile organic compound or VOC--which releases chemicals from glues, paints, and vinyl. The smell inside the cabin of the car can trigger headaches, sore throats, and drowsiness. Japanese manufacturers have been the first to respond by reducing the chemical levels within government guidelines.

The interesting thing is the EPA doesn't think its much of an issue, there has been no reported cases of poisoning or crap like that, but it makes you think - does that include the new car scent air fresheners at car washes?

There's a reason I wanted to buy a 5 speed...

It caught my eye and made me smile. Chicagoans are all like this would be carjacker...

It could be that the purpose of your laptop may serve as a warning to others

Trojan.

No, not the condoms you sick bastards. I was downloading a video clip from an emailed group I belong to and was horrified to learn that I downloaded a Trojan hidden in the video file. Now, I knew I was screwed. I saved as much information as I could to some recordable CDs, but as far as the computer system goes, it was toast. I lost the NT bootloader (most trojans attack this vital system startup registry) and thought that was the end of it.

Right now I am using the laptop running Ubuntu Linux with no problem. Almost all trojans and viruses are created to kill Windows operating systems but are harmless to Linux/ Mac. I've got a portal to the world, but when I get home, I gotta wipe the entire laptop and start from scratch. This includes security patches, updates, program reloads -- unless...

Well, I did it once before. Lost the NT bootloader trying to get Ubuntu to load Windows first. Then I remembered that since the operating system was there already and the bad bootloader was infected, Ubuntu would write a new bootloader in place of the old one. It worked. I now have my dualboot back up and running with no problems.

The lesson learned from all of this? Download your videos from a TRUSTED website, not from an emailed newsgroup. Hey, remember, even the most computer savvy can fall prey to trojans.

Hurricane Rita

Terrific. Now the city that I have come to love as my second home (and home to many friends) is being threatened by hurricane Rita. I just sincerely hope that the beauty of the city remains after whatever comes at it.















I also hope Evelyn is safe.

So what did I learn from my one day without a cellphone?

1. No matter how long I have been friends with people, and no matter how long they have remained under the same phone number, I still couldn't remember anyone's number.
2. It took me 14 hours to resist the urge to call my own phone and check messages.
3. It took me 3 tries to get into voicemail correctly.
4. Worry set in around 11am when I couldn't see if there were any lunch appearances to make.
5. The need to text message was mixed with the sense of helplessness when I realized even if I could, I don't have anyone's cell phone number memorized.
6. I sat comfortably in a chair without the unsightly bulge in my pocket (you sick minded bastards, I know what you're all thinking....) from the phone.
7. I didn't have to worry about signal strength/ battery power.
8. I didn't use it while driving (remember, I drive a 5 speed manual).
9. The world did not stop because I was left out of the loop.
10. My second job is really boring without the constant chime of a downloaded ringtone to indicate that there's life happening while I am working.
    

A Test

So I left my cell phone at home today - completely by accident. Coming into work I thought to myself how interesting it would be to survive one day without a cell phone. So here I am at a little before 7 in the morning and not really missing it all that much. Lets see how the rest of the day fairs.

Dave Barry

Recently, The Washington Post printed an article explaining how the appliance manufacturers plan to drive consumers insane.

Of course, they don't SAY they want to drive us insane. What they SAY they want to do is have us live in homes where "all appliances are on the Internet, sharing information" and appliances will be "smarter than most of their owners." For example, the article states, you would have a home where the dishwasher "can be turned on from the office" and the refrigerator "knows when it's out of milk" and the bathroom scale "transmits your weight to the gym."

I frankly wonder whether the appliance manufacturers have been smoking crack. I mean, did they ever stop to ask themselves WHY a consumer, after loading a dishwasher, would go to the office to start it? Would there be some kind of career benefit?

YOUR BOSS: What are you doing?

YOU (tapping computer keyboard): I'm starting my dishwasher!

YOUR BOSS: That's the kind of productivity we need around here!

YOU: Now I'm flushing the upstairs toilet!

Listen, appliance manufacturers: We don't NEED a dishwasher that we can communicate with from afar. If you want to improve our dishwashers, give us one that senses when people leave dirty dishes on the kitchen counter, and shouts at them: "PUT THOSE DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER RIGHT NOW OR I'LL LEAK ALL OVER YOUR SHOES!"

Likewise, we don't need a refrigerator that knows when it's out of milk. We already have a foolproof system for determining if we're out of milk: We ask our wife. What we could use is a refrigerator that refuses to let us open its door when it senses that we are about to consume our fourth Jell-O Pudding Snack in two hours.

As for a scale that transmits our weight to the gym: Are they NUTS? We don't want our weight transmitted to our own EYEBALLS! What if the gym decided to transmit our weight to all these other appliances on the Internet? What if, God forbid, our refrigerator found out what our weight was? We'd never get the door open again!

But here is what really concerns me about these new "smart" appliances: Even if we like the features, we won't be able to use them. We can't use the appliance features we have NOW. I have a feature-packed telephone with 43 buttons, at least 20 of which I am afraid to touch. This phone probably can communicate with the dead, but I don't know how to operate it, just as I don't know how to operate my TV, which requires THREE remote controls. One control (44 buttons) came with the TV; a second (39 buttons) came with the VCR; the third (37 buttons) was brought here by the cable-TV man, who apparently felt that I did not have enough buttons.

So when I want to watch TV, I'm confronted with a total of 120 buttons, identified by such helpful labels as PIP, MTS, DBS, F2, JUMP and BLANK.

There are three buttons labeled POWER, but there are times — especially if my son and his friends, who are not afraid of features, have changed the settings — when I honestly cannot figure out how to turn the TV on. I stand there, holding three remote controls, pressing buttons at random, until eventually I give up and go turn on the dishwasher. It has been, literally, years since I have successfully recorded a TV show. That is how "smart" my appliances have become.

And now the appliance manufacturers want to give us even MORE features. Do you know what this means? It means that some night you'll open the door of your "smart" refrigerator, looking for a beer, and you'll hear a pleasant, cheerful voice — recorded by the same woman who informs you that Your Call Is Important when you call a business that does not wish to speak with you personally — telling you: "Your celery is limp." You will not know how your refrigerator knows this, and, what is worse, you will not know who else your refrigerator is telling about it ("Hey, Bob! I hear your celery is limp!").

And if you want to try to make the refrigerator STOP, you'll have to decipher Owner's Manual instructions written by and for nuclear physicists ("To disable the Produce Crispness Monitoring feature, enter the Command Mode, then select the Edit function, then select Change Vegetable Defaults, then assume that Train A leaves Chicago traveling westbound at 47 miles per hour, while Train B...").

Is this the kind of future you want, consumers? Do you want appliances that are smarter than you? Of course not. Your appliances should be DUMBER than you, just like your furniture, your pets and your representatives in Congress. So I am urging you to let the appliance industry know, by phone, letter, fax and e-mail, that when it comes to "smart" appliances, you vote NO. You need to act quickly. Because while you're reading this, your microwave oven is voting YES.

This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Feb. 27, 2000.

Linux revisited

Well, no more than 30 minutes after I thought I had lost my Windows XP, there was an amazing sight found on the Boot Loader option in Ubuntu's interface. It actually recognized that there was a "mysterious" partition in its file system. So, after talking it over with the IT guy at the radio station, we figured out that to reinstate XP, we made Ubuntu recognize it, named it and saved it. Right now I have my laptop back up and working without a problem. I even changed the Boot Loader to make XP load first.

Sorry all you Linux users, but until I am more confident in Linux and more sure, I will stick to a dualboot for now. There are just too many settings I have to work with (and wireless card to buy) before I can dedicate a full Linux laptop into use. I am open to learning if anyone wants to show me, I am just so glad that I don't have to reload all of my music to the iPod...

Linux Roulette

So I have been toying with several Linux distributions and loaded Ubuntu 5.10 as my second OS of choice. Well, after correctly partitioning the HDD with the Linux utility, I loaded Ubuntu with no problems. Its when I started to dick around with the settings that I got burned.

By default, all Linux distros want you to have theirs as the default loading system. I wanted Windows to be the OS that starts up first. I changed the settings as well as a few others, and restarted the system. Wouldn't you know that I did something wrong and killed the boot loader for Windows XP on my computer.

What does this mean? I am now running a completely Linux operating system. Windows is gone. Completely. All my songs on the iPod, all my settings for games, all of my show notes, my updated resume, online settings for wireless sites, photos (vacation photos)...

IM still numb, but I saved all of my photos to CDs long before this happened. I didn't delete any of them from the camera from the trip to Chicago, so I am happy. Still, it sucks. Gotta reload from the beginning again. Do you know how time consuming it is to load all that music into the iPod?

Interesting little "Easter Egg"

For all geeks out there, there is something of a treasure waiting to be found on select DVDs & videogames called an Easter Egg. Not particularly part of the storyline to the game, but an interesting, often strange find in a videogame or movie. Hell, I don't even know if I could call this discovery an Easter Egg because you don't have to play the videogame to enjoy it.



Tomb Raider 2 has an interesting egg nestled in its CD. If you pop it into a CD player, you get the full audio tracks to the game. This includes the cut-scenes and background SFX.

I have the entire CD saved to the iPod.

nch ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch ran

I think Wendy's has warped the minds of myself, Yolie & Teddy hence-forth. It's that fuckin' commercial with the Ranch Tooth. Yolie was the first to bring it up, and since then the word has become part of my normal(?) vocabulary. Sad part is, its also become Yolie's word too...

See, the other day I was at work at Sonitrol. I am supposed to have my cellphone turned off at all times, but every once in a while I turn it on to check messages. I saw she had called, her & Teddy were out and about in Chi-town and were bored. Well, she did a few quick "RAAAAAANCH" words on the voicemail and that was it. Well, I tried to call her several times and eventually left a message on her voicemail that was me saying the word "ranch" fast over & over with a few loud "RANCH!" variants in the message. I didn't hear from her for a few days, so I thought she didn't get the voicemail.

Then I got a call last night at work. It seems Yolie decided to check her voicemail messages Sunday night while she was at work. Well, that sounds good until you realize she works at a hospital and was on the late shift. She even went so far as to put the phone on SPEAKERPHONE and check her messages as she was tending to some things. She didn't know that the speaker volume was a little to high when a barrage of "ranch" came across the phone.

Well, this doesn't sound too funny at first, but then you start to think to yourself this is a hospital with sleeping patients and all you can hear echoing through the hallways are the word "ranch". Then, Yolie told me that the coupe de grace was when the really loud "RANCH!" blasted a few times through the speakerphone. She said that several nurses who were taking a nap woke suddenly & were shaking with that fear of a sudden startling noise that they didn't know where it came from.

That alone was worth the really long message I left on her cellphone.

I nearly tore up the return tickets

Then, I realized that I left my car, laptop, clothes & most of my bills behind, so I had to return...

I really needed that vacation. I would have changed how many times I had to take a connecting flight, but other than that, I was happy with the travel accommodations. Chicago's weather was beautiful the entire time I was out there. It was so comfortable, Teddy, Yolie & myself went and played some softball several times during my stay.



The apartment Yolie & Teddy live in is a beautiful little house. You can find several thousand of the same style apartments all over Chicago, but each are different. From the outside they look small. Inside they are another story. Teddy & Yolie's apartment is on the third floor & they have 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths. It's a pretty awesome little setup.



So after getting situated, we went out to downtown Chicago. Talk about huge. It's the third largest city in the United States, and the downtown life is just bustling with life and excitement. Miles upon miles of streets were packed with people. Stores filled with shoppers. It was a strange sight to see a downtown area dominated by huge names like Hugo, Chanel, Apple, Gap, Virgin Music, Eddie Bauer - and that was only on Michigan Ave!



We walked downtown for a few hours, ending up at the Water Tower building. Its a mall several stories high and filled with shops, curios & food. It had an awesome water fountain inside, but every time I tried to take a picture of the jumping water, I was always late.



The architecture up in Chicago was absolutely amazing. Everything had clean angular lines broken up by the Victorian relics of yester-year. Chicago's water works buildings downtown were marvelous examples of that. They're so out of place, yet so artistically perfect for the area. I started to really think about tearing up those tickets...



Speaking of artsy-fartsy stuff, Yolie at several times on my vacation took my camera and started to just take pictures at random. There are several that are print worthy, and several that would be worth a small ransom. I don't have enough time to post them all (and people cursed with dial-up would kill me too) but this is an example of her screwing around with the camera.



I would love to go back with several of my cameras and take some good architectural photos of the city.

Alas, I am back in El Paso. IM already planning the next trip to Chicago again soon.

-When's my next vacation?

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

I am on vacation!!! I will be in Chicago from September 1st through the 7th. This is what the itinerary looks like:


The following flights are confirmed:
Date: September 1 Flight: NW 6508/*CO 730
Departs: El Paso-Int'l, TX (ELP) at 6:45AM
Arrives: Houston-George Bush Intercontinental, TX (IAH) at 9:40AM

Date: September 1 Flight: NW 1830
Departs: Houston-George Bush Intercontinental, TX (IAH) at 12:00N
Arrives: Detroit-Wayne County Int'l, MI (DTW) at 3:44PM

Date: September 1 Flight: NW 1830
Departs: Detroit-Wayne County Int'l, MI (DTW) at 5:07PM
Arrives: Chicago-Midway Int'l, IL (MDW) at 5:12PM

Return Flights
Date: September 7 Flight: NW 1763
Departs: Chicago-Midway Int'l, IL (MDW) at 7:00AM
Arrives: Minneapolis/St. Paul-Int'l, MN (MSP) at 8:28AM

Date: September 7 Flight: NW 1153
Departs: Minneapolis/St. Paul-Int'l, MN (MSP) at 9:22AM
Arrives: Houston-George Bush Intercontinental, TX (IAH) at 12:18PM

Date: September 7 Flight: NW 6806/*CO 2826
Departs: Houston-George Bush Intercontinental, TX (IAH) at 1:30PM
Arrives: El Paso-Int'l, TX (ELP) at 2:24PM

-See you all in one week!

What's on your iPod?

I'll tell you what's on mine.

• Alison Krauss & Union Station
• Audioslave
• Brian Setzer Orchestra
• Cubanate
• Eminem
• Filter
• Fleetwood Mac catalog (1975 - 2003)
• Fluke
• Franz Ferdinand
• Frank Sinatra
• Grand Theft Audio
• Green Day
• Hoobastank
• Lindsey Buckingham
• Linkin Park

More to come!

STRANGE FINDINGS FROM THE INTERNET LXVIII

*a return of an internet classic*

It's hard for everyone to wake up early. It's even harder to deal with crap that pops up so early in the morning at work. What would you do if you got to work and found a flaming heap of garbage on your property? Let alone the smell, I cant stand the thought of having to step in garbage water!

So, you're a major leaguer with a multi-million dollar salary and time to spare. You bet the batboy to drink a gallon of milk for $500. He doesn't and he gets a 10 game suspension. The Marlin's organization justifies the cause as the "Pete Rose" law recently in effect...

Ever wish you could applique a sticker to your car that would match or one-up those damn Jesus fish on cars? Visit RingOfFire.com and find yourself the "Zuni Spirit Bear", the "Sushi" fish, "Isis" car emblem or the "Procreation" sticker....

Earl Scheib is looking to take some painting tips from this woman...

This is why I stick to body piercings.

These are just fucking awesome. Great projects for Halloween!

Definitely NSFW under any circumstances, this is just strangely entertaining.

A devastating blow

It's no mistake Corpus Christi is like a second home to me. This is just too much of a devastating blow to the entire city of Corpus & surrounding towns. It sent a chill down my spine when I heard it was Ingleside.

One cities loss is another cities gain. El Paso is gaining 16,000 new troops.

Yay.

The Hollywood Bowl goes Beyond Good and Evil

How awesome is this? The Hollywood Bowl is featuring a performance of many videogame soundtracks to include:

• Tomb Raider (series)
  
• Beyond Good and Evil
  
• Mario Bros. (series)
  
• Halo (series)

What's awesome, tickets are still available.

Movies like this shouldn't exist

So yesterday I went home and had some lunch. While eating, my dad was in control of the satellite and landed upon the most sorriest excuse for an action movie, waste of studio dollars and (in my opinion) single handedly set the genre of cheesy action movies back about 15 years.

The Ultimate Weapon was by far, the worst movie I had ever seen, and I suffered through the original Stargate movie. An obvious audio-dub* from Germany, this movie epitomizes the fact that Terry "Hulk" Hogan cannot get a decent job to save his career. The scenes I saw were sorry examples of acting ever filmed, actors who literally waited for their cues to perform their line/ action shot, then looked at the camera & then (apparently) the director and back to the action! I was just sitting there thinking to myself WTF?

Then, the coup-de-grace was the scene where the supporting actor punches the pilot of the helicopter (one of the most convincing punches seen yet far in this clap-trap) and commandeered it with the 'Hulkster' and they blow up a small weapons bunker in what looks like Northern Canada. When I next paid attention, the 'Hulkster' was returning home (which ironically looked like the same area the exploded cache of weapons was built) and told his girlfriend of countless years he finally wanted to marry her. Man, talk about pulling out the book of "How to make a cookie-cutter action flick with cheesy C-list actors" and following the formula!

I had enough. I walked out, but not before looking at the release date. It was 1997! I thought movies like this were long considered obsolete when Rambo burst on the scene and made meat-pulp out of crap like this.

Avoid at all costs.

*audio-dub - to replace audio on a track with another track, usually done to foreign films.

Live from the KTSM Studios...

So we had to keep it under wraps that someone as big as Sean Hannity was going to be in the studios for good reason. People were just flooding into our station waiting area in the lobby just to get a glimpse of him. I didn't want to aggravate the crowd too much, they were a surly bunch of misfits and thought that by me mocking them behind the security glass was a bad idea.



Around 10am, Sean's producer shows up. Focused and short on time, he immediately asks where everything is, asks if everything for him is set and wants nothing more than the space to run around the on-air studio areas like a spaz. We let him do his own thing. He commandeered the fax machine & two computers with printers. At the time this picture was taken, he had already placed notes on each pile of show prep about its topic & value to the show. Even after this was taken, there were more piles of prep on the console.



This is Sean's engineer. He got here about 5 minutes after the producer. A skilled man with little time and tons of worry on his mind. He went to work after the obligatory hand shaking and found that most of the equipment was to satisfaction. Others -- well, others weren't up to code. Anonymous humming & problems linking & getting a decent sounding phone call were problems at first, but were quickly overcome.



This is a shot outside of the engineering room. These people are trying to get the ISDN line to work properly. I was shocked, both engineers at the station were on hand and working hard! Not that they don't work hard mind you, the phrase "They were working hard" usually never applies to my station! Indeed, a moment to capture on film!



Then we have Mr. Hannity. Sean Hannity of the Sean Hannity show. He came in and took command of everyone's attention. He quickly shook everyone's hand & had a smile on his face as he explained a little of what he expects out of the next few hours, then gets to work reviewing the producers well placed prep work.

After the show, we had a small "Greet & Meet" in our conference room. Nothing too extravagant, he talked about why he was here in El Paso, promoted his show for the evening, then took time to take some last photos.

Yesterday in pictures

So, on my way home from getting paid, I saw the rain starting to creep up at us.



I had gone home because I needed to drop off the laptop and do some things without thinking about it in the car. So I reached in and grabbed the camera and decided to take some pictures of the coming rain.



I got home and lightning and thunder were all around me. Lighting up the mid-day skies scared the crap out of me, so I bolted inside and left the laptop and other things in the house. The above picture is of me leaving the driveway at the house, the river I am in front of is my street, choked with water from the torrential rain.



I got to the end of the block and saw this car pass me. Its my car exactly, only it was an automatic transmission. I thought it was kinda strange to see a clone in the same neighborhood, and ironically, its from the same dealership.



So on my way to look for a wireless router, I drove all over town. I took to the side roads because of the rainfall. The street drainage system was overtaxed and wasn't dealing with the water at a fast enough pace, so many streets were hella flooded. I averaged 15mph in 2nd gear most of the time on the road.

That's all the pictures I took. I would have taken more, but I was driving a 5 speed. You try to navigate the wet roads and take pictures at the same time. More to come later!