Happy Halloween!

I had been staring at the picture from a previous post and had thought what a perfect time to share the video of how hotdogs are made than on Halloween! The picture (above) looks tantalizingly delicious. Where else are you going to find reconstituted pig parts that were packed tightly, yet satisfyingly in 40 square feet of pig intestines, pre-cooked then wrapped in yet another complex layer of pig meat, then grilled and served with tangy yellow mustard? So I wandered around to YouTube and found it.



I think IM going to go cry in a corner somewhere...

Vintage Schlock

A few weeks ago I had typed a little short essay about the naiveness of America. Maybe not naive, but wholesome, something we seem to have forgotten about.

I digress. While searching thro all of the vintage stock photos, I found some rather hilarious images that seem out of their original intent given today's attitudes.


Here we see a young Hannibal Lecter as a child. While it isn't his choice of bean, we can see he had that twinkle in his eye that the neighborhood stray would be first on his list of -- experiments.


Here's Hannibal's sister, Harriet. Looks like she got hold of the neighborhood stray and created spreadable puppy brains innocently disguised as a fruity jam.

The horror!


Sadly, no one ever understood why Little Debbie brand snack cakes never changed their trademark girl on the box. Here we see little Debbie, blinded by the sugar intake in the first batch of cakes cooked up by plant managers. Here, along with family for Christmas dressed in the outfit that launched a thousand delivery trucks, she stares vacantly thro the plate of food being passed to her elderly granmama smiling with the hope of one day being able to see again, but for now, enjoying the sounds from the table and family members clanging their dinnerwear and trying to make a show for her remaining senses, all the while fighting back the tears and angst of what happened to her so many nights ago...

Is that a pair of honey-brasied duck lungs slathered on the plate?

Wow, I can really get into these. Lets move on.


Meet Bob. Ever since his first acting role, he has had the stride and confidence that comes along with a healthy diet and exercise and the first time he was used as a test subject for Enzyte. This ad was photographed days after the initial dose took effect and its clear that there's something else long green and poking out of the water he's showing to his friends. Isn't it funny that even the name of the outboard motor is called Johnson?

It was funny. I sat here and stared at these swim trunks and thought to myself:

• The guys have no basket.
• None of these people (now) can run
• None of these people remember this
• They're still wearing these, only they're diapers in festive colors

No, I don't want to comment on why I was looking at their baskets.

Moving on...

Patsy Cline was in a horrible traffic accident. Doctors at the time were able to reconstruct her cranium by utilizing fragments of Dr. Frankenstein's monster's skull. Though, it looks more like they used hull armor from the U.S.S. Lexington...


"DICYCLOPENTADIENE!!!!"


This I think goes along with the other swim wear/ adult diapers from a few photos above, it looks like one of the happy-go-lucky men found this lil' lady and is either dragging her out of the pool due to too many chemical cocktails, or its the artists rendition of a joyous kidnapping.


Given it's probably the 1960's, this has got to be the most funnest toy I have ever seen come out of this decade. Dear God, look at the knobs, levers and buttons this 60 lb. hunk of metal has to play with! You know some dickhead gouged his eye out and had his parents get this toy banned forever, along with lawn darts. IF YOU'RE THE BASTARD, YOU DESERVE TO BE EYELESS! This looked like a fucking kick-ass toy that you could easily have up-staged that snotty neighbor kid who always gets the cool toys before you did. I would have just aimed right for the fucker's eye and...


Whoa! I think that parents used to buy this toy for the kids so some kinky wife swapping, toy utilizing parents would use this little gem on the others wife or husband if they were daring...

Hi

So, here's a question for you.

You are sitting on 2 months of the year left and 2 weeks of vacation that your boss has now thrown down the ultimatum "take your vacation time or loose it".

You are sitting looking at your bright orange Dodge Neon and saying to yourself "road trip".

You look at the tires on the aforementioned vehicle and say to yourself "blowout".

So what would any rational person do in a situation like this?

If you said "Let's spend that money on a TREO 700p" I'd give you a cigar!

(yes, I discovered the "quotation marks" thank you for noticing)



Sweet little phone, isn't it?

Ugh, yes, I bought this damn thing. Its a fucking kick ass phone, but whatever you do, DO NOT for the love of Gates buy the 700wx version. I had fewer bugs with Windows 95a (for those of you who know WTF IM talking about, you know).

I initially bought the 700wx thinking it would be the end-all of phones. It wasn't. Without going into details *cough-itsucked-cough* it wasn't user friendly. I've had pit bulls with better manners than that damned thing.

Anyways. Short of a blowout on the freeway, I am planning so many things with my new toy. Best toy for the phone (remember, this damn thing is also a great sounding phone) is the optional TomTom GPS unit I can install -- why say install, the fucking unit just plugs into the memory card reader!



Yeah, and I need the BLUETOOTH portable keyboard.

Ain't technology grand?

This looks disturbingly delicious

I have been sitting here crying with laughter. The commemorative tote filled with vegetarian chili was just icing on the taco.

WTF people? Really?

I drive an otherwise stock 2005 Neon. The only thing added to it was a K&N air filter. Not even a high input intake kit. Everything found on the car is stock Daimler Chrysler.

Even the fucking headlights.

So why is it whenever I am driving the car at night with the lights on the low beams I get every fucktard on the road flash their headlights at me? It happened to me 3 times today, all different drivers none of which were anywhere near each other and two of them were people I had passed.

So I slowed down and put my fog lights and combo low/high beams directly at their rear view mirrors.

Fuckers!

Seriously, I never had this problem with my Mustang, but I did have this problem with my Cavalier.

I don't have high powered plasma bulbs, I don't have projector headlamps. They're just normal stock headlights.

Really people, WTF?

Another reason I like my car.

This was taken from the Sydney Morning Herald.

An alleged female carjacker couldn't get into first gear when confronted with a manual vehicle in Sydney's south yesterday, police say.

The woman, 20, allegedly dragged a 49-year-old woman out of her Toyota near the intersection of Forest and Wyangala roads in Miranda, police said.

But the would-be carjacker found herself behind the wheel of a manual vehicle, which she didn't know how to drive, police said.

When she tried to run away, two men who had witnessed the incident stopped her and police arrived shortly after.

The driver was not hurt.

The alleged carjacker was arrested and taken to Sutherland Hospital, then Miranda police station, where she was charged with common assault and assault with intent to take or drive the car.

Bail was refused and the woman is due to appear at Sutherland Local Court today.

Simple Times

Were we ever pie-eyed and naive enough to believe the future would be filled with such wander and amazement that we would be traveling to the moon for vacations, watching huge extravagant machineries creating grandiose achievements in biomechanical homebuilding?





Did we have outlandishly huge block parties that left our neighbors passed out in lawn furniture, petunia beds and diving boards the next day?





Did we fall prey to the stylish marketing campaigns that told us we couldn't dare live our lives properly without cups of coffee, orange juice, batteries, the wonders of metallurgists and radioactive televisions?













Uncle Carl's secret sauce burgers

We did.

How do I know? We left relics of the past that is now gone forever.





You couldn't get away with that image without paying a couple of million dollars in restitution. Now, we lock our doors when we leave to go to the grocery store. We have car alarms that sometimes cost as much as a used car. We have security systems installed at home that equal the value of that used car with the alarm system.





I look back at these posters and placards from a long forgotten era and ask myself "did we really live life this way"? Naive, complacent, comfortable?





Yes. We did.

Judging by the Alice's Diner massacre-to-be waitress manning the cash register with Miss Audrey Hepburn Look-Alike 1961 buying the necessities, we were blissfully unaware of the world around us. As long as we had our beers, our cars & what looks like 2 gallon jug of apple juice, we couldn't have been happier with the way the world was forming.

We lived in a world where the aspirin bottles didn't come with tamper proof lids. We lived in a world where our cars were considered "screaming metal death-traps" and paid to put extra shiny pieces of chrome-plated maim devices on the dashboard within easy reach. For fucks-sake we ate butter as if it were healthy for us.




What we didn't realize then was how we needed to prepare for what was going to turn our lifestyle from picture perfect to real world in no time. We couldn't fathom that we would one day have to turn our backs on everything that was right with the world and accept that there were people out there trying to undermine what we had fought so dearly for in the 1940s.

I see in all of these vintage stock pieces a world before corporations. You don't see anything here that was some major corporations drive to become the industry that causes the world to turn. You don't see conglomerates vying for your dollars.



You see their marketing campaigns to get you to buy their product by reaching for your heart strings and other emotional ties. They show you what your world would be like to buy their product. Looking at Thelma and Helouise above, you see that they're not trying to sell you a lifestyle you can't afford. They're not trying to tell you to charge their bilge on credit. They're trying to just get you to buy their gas.



Simpler times indeed.

Where do I find a time machine? I want to live one day in that utopia we forever lost.

It's a long way down, the Holiday Road

It's been a long standing theme within Blank Media that music is very much a part of my life and everyday activities. With that said, it was because of my previous post about Lindsey Buckingham that triggered a lot of reaction within my friends here at the radio station, alarm company and abroad.

National Lampoon's Vacation features Lindsey Buckingham as the singer for the opening credits to the movie. Arguably, this is the most recognized opening credit themes in comedic history and one of Lindsey's more noted, yet forgot-it's-him-because-it's-so-obscure song.

Its lyrics are basic, mostly consisting of the main chorus eating up most of the song. Its the whole song when listened to that will either make you stop and listen to it, or turn and make negative comment on it. The fact is, everyone recognizes it as the movie's opening song because everyone remembers that movie in their own way.