Pointless & Funny

Welcome to the 2006 edition of getting to know your friends and family. The idea is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends and family that you probably didn't know already. I stole both from Joe & Ivettes websites accordingly with some modifications.

1. YOUR LIFE ASPIRATION AS A CHILD:
To work at a TV station.
2. YOUR VIEWS ON YOUR CHILDHOOD LIFETIME ASPIRATIONS:
I was a technical child growing up. I took things apart out of boredom and rebuilt them before anyone noticed. TV was something that caught my attention span, and thought to myself how cool it would be to control TV. Like any job, TV and radio has its ups and downs. Once you work at your dream job for a length of time, it just becomes "another day at work".
3. COULD YOU SEE THOSE SAME ASPIRATIONS AS A PORN MOVIE?
Hmm, it's a TV station with lots of cameras and dark rooms. Of course!
4. HOW FAR IS YOUR CURRENT STATION IN LIFE FROM THOSE CHILDHOOD ASPIRATIONS?
Well, I used to work at a TV station. The company I was employed at sold the radio stations to a heartless conglomerate interested in homogonized radio & cookie cutter promotions & who's only mission statement is "The allmighty dollar". Back to the original question, its one degree of separation.
5. WOULD YOU RATHER JUST BE A PORN STAR?
Nah, it would eventually end up being "another day at work".
6. IF YOU WERE IN PORN, WHAT KIND OF PORN WOULD YOU MAKE?
As a producer, probably some epic picture set in the 1930's. Art deco everywhere and I would probably cast every male porn actor who could be billed "King Dong"
7. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL YOUR PORN MOVIE?
Probably King Dong.
8. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB/CAREER (INCLUDING PORN) WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I haven't given that much thought. I don't own a Mac G5 or anything with enough power to video edit, so I can't say I thought too seriously about either.
9. AMATEUR PORN FOR HOME USE, YES OR NO?
Why not.

SECTION TWO: WORK AND JESUS

10. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
Hard to say. He's kinda hard to find in this day & age.
11. WHEN DO YOU CALL ON GOD MORE, DURING SEX OR WHEN FRUSTRATED?
Frustrated.
12. IF GOD ACTUALLY SHOWED UP WHILE YOU WERE SAYING "OH, GOD" IN BED, WHAT EXACTLY WOULD YOU DO?
Probably throw him a camera to take some pictures.
13. QUIET. NO ONE'S LOOKING. ACROSS FROM YOU IS YOUR FRIEND THE WANNABE HIPPY, WICCAN, SAVE THE DOLPHINS FROM THE WHALES, BAN BRAS, MOTHER EARTH, CALL ON THE GODDESS SORT OF PERSON. YOU HAVE THIS SINGLE CHANCE TO DO ANYTHING TO THEM WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING IT WAS YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Stage blood. Gallons & gallons of stage blood. Everywhere.
14. WHILE AT WORK, YOUR EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS COWORKER PROCEEDS TO ENGAGE YOU ABOUT YOUR LACK OF RELIGION, WHAT DO YOU DO?
Kindly remind them that the workplace isn't the sort of forum to discuss those matters, and if that doesn't send them away, ignoring them usually works. So does death metal CD's in that drawer with all those fun rubber stamps. Maybe some gay pornography peppering the walls behind my monitor and a bottle of baby oil & have me reach for the baby oil... WHAT? Don't look at me like that!
15. YOU'VE BEEN LEFT BEHIND AND THE END IS NIGH. PANIC, FIND JESUS, OR PARTY?
Party. Hard.
16. YOUR FIRST THOUGHTS UPON ARRIVING AT WORK:
"Are we off the air?"
17. YOUR LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE LEAVING WORK:
"Where am I gonna grab lunch?"
18. APPROXIMATE TIME YOU START COUNTING HOW LONG UNTIL LUNCH:
8:12 am.
19. COFFEE AT WORK. YES, NO, OR THE WORLD WILL END WITHOUT IT?
No. The coffee brewed at the radio station could patch roofs.
20. YOUR SALARY. UNDERPAID, ADEQUATELY PAID, OR PLEASE GOD LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY?
Lotto. DAMN YOU POWERBALL!!! WHERE'S MY PAYOFF?
21. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY AT YOUR JOB IF YOU WERE JESUS?
No. I'd probably have every suck-up at the office attatched to any and every excretious orifice being my "yes man" and hindering my job performance.
22. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY IF YOU SLEPT WITH THE BOSS?
*shudders*
23. IS MAKING MORE MONEY WORTH SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS?
*shudders harder*

SECTION THREE: SPIRITUAL, SEXUAL HODGEPODGE OF LIFE

24. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
Yes. 2005 Dodge Neon SXT
25. IF SO, DO YOU LOVE YOUR CAR?
I do. It's a fun little car.
26. IF YOU'RE A NAMER OF CARS, WHAT DID YOU NAME IT?
Penny. That was an issue last year.
27. HAVE YOU BEEN SEXUAL IN YOUR CAR?
Not this one.
28. ON YOUR CAR?
Not this one.
29. WITH YOUR CAR?
Eeeeew. Not this one.
30. LUBE. YES, NO, OR WOOHOO?
Why not - wait, are we still talking about cars?
31. CONSIDER YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT HUMAN. WORTH DYING FOR?
Not applicable - human? WTF?
32. WORTH SITTING THROUGH A SEASON OF SURVIVOR FOR?
Not applicable.
33. IF THEY'RE WORTH DYING FOR, BUT NOT WATCHING SURVIVOR FOR, WOULD THEY ASSIST YOU IN THE STALKING AND MURDER OF EVERYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE CREATION OF SURVIVOR?
I can say yes with certainty.
34. YOU'RE STUCK ON AN ISLAND WITH YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/BUTT BUDDY AND ONE ITEM. WHAT ITEM IS IT?
Butt buddy? Wow. A Star Trek Replicator. Those things are fucking awesome.
35. YOUR LOVER HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A CHICKEN. NOW WHAT?
I dunno, is this chicken talking?
36. THE FUCK? CHICKEN?
You posed the question...

SECTION FOUR: GOD DAMNED STUPID SHIT

37. PICK A COLOR
Red, why?
38. PICK A CONDOM
Trojan, again, why?
39. PICK A SONG
Paradise by the Dashboard Light. Why?
40. PICK A VACATION DESTINATION
For the love of- Chicago. WHY?
41. CAN YOU ENVISION YOURSELF HAVING SEX WITH THE COLORED CONDOM YOU CHOSE IN THE DESTINATION YOU PICKED WHILE LISTENING TO SAID SONG?
Dear God no. The mental images of Meatloaf screaming and his jowls wiggling would make me laugh.
42. NEW LAW DICTATES THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GAI AND SILLY INTERNET CYBERPET OR YOU'LL HAVE YOUR GENITALS REMOVED WITH A RED HOT POKER AND A SPOON. WHAT DO YOU PICK?
Id ask for a spork.
43. BIRD OR FISH?
fish
44. THE ABOVE-AS A PET OR AS DINNER?
Dinner. So WTF was that chicken question about earlier?
45. WHAT YOU'RE BEST AT--
Technology. It comes naturally for me.
46. WHAT YOU SUCK AT--
Controlling my mouth.
47. WHAT YOU REALLY FUCKING SUCK AT--
Saying my true feelings for a loved one.
48. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Not that I know of.
49. DO YOU WISH ON THE STARS?
Yes. I'd like to believe they come true.
50. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Wednesday morning checking emails. I found out my friend's dog died protecting the family.
51. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes.
52. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes.
53. ARE YOU A DAREDEVIL?
I guess I would consider myself one, but probably nothing like skydivers & alligator wrestlers.
54. DO LOOKS MATTER?
I think so. If you're wearing your lunch on your clothing, that's kinda hard NOT to notice.
55. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Driving. Everyone knows I do it. Its so therapeutic.
56. WHAT WERE YOUR FAVORITE TOYS AS A CHILD?
Legos. Piles & piles of legos.
57. WHAT CLASS IN HIGH SCHOOL WAS TOTALLY USELESS?
German class. To this day I still can't read or speak it.
58. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES?
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Kill Bill (1&2), Tomb Raider, Spiderman (1&2), Back to the Future (trilogy), Office Space, The Getaway
59. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Mikey, GTA, Ringmaster (damn you Yolie), Prof. Faggot Q. Boredom (damn you Vanessa), Einstein, Easter Bunny (damn you Eddie)
60. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Only on one pair. The other pair I don't.
61. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE STRONG?
I think so. Been through a lot at a young age.
62. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Its a Blue Bunny flavor "Rabbit Trax"
63. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Red, blue, green.
64. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I cannot fall asleep fast. I often have too much on my mind.
65. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Eveyln.
66. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Leftover spaghetti.
67. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?
The Eagles - The Last Resort
68. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Torch Red (I miss my Mustang)
69. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE WITH ON THE PHONE?
Wilson
70. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes
71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?
Smirnoff, neat.
72. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I wish. The astigmatism I have is so slight, there are no contacts to correct it.
73. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR?
Spring.
74. WINTER OR SUMMER - WHAT DO YOU PREFER?
Summer.
75. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DESSERT?
Those Little Debbie brownies. They're like crack!
76. WHAT ARE YOU READING?
Recent issue of Sports Illustrated, Gran Turismo 4 game guide, PSP instruction manual, email.
77. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?
(at Sonitrol) SonNT logo.
(at Radio station) Kim Komando.
(at home) I got a laptop.
78. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV?
TiVo'ed episodes of Mythbusters.
79. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SMELLS?
Red 360, new car scent, new electronics scent, the air after a heavy rain, the ocean.
80. THE ROLLING STONES OR ELVIS?
The Beatles.
81. WHERE'S THE FURTHEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN FROM HOME?
Chicago IL.