Pointless & Funny

Welcome to the 2006 edition of getting to know your friends and family. The idea is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends and family that you probably didn't know already. I stole both from Joe & Ivettes websites accordingly with some modifications.

1. YOUR LIFE ASPIRATION AS A CHILD:
To work at a TV station.
2. YOUR VIEWS ON YOUR CHILDHOOD LIFETIME ASPIRATIONS:
I was a technical child growing up. I took things apart out of boredom and rebuilt them before anyone noticed. TV was something that caught my attention span, and thought to myself how cool it would be to control TV. Like any job, TV and radio has its ups and downs. Once you work at your dream job for a length of time, it just becomes "another day at work".
3. COULD YOU SEE THOSE SAME ASPIRATIONS AS A PORN MOVIE?
Hmm, it's a TV station with lots of cameras and dark rooms. Of course!
4. HOW FAR IS YOUR CURRENT STATION IN LIFE FROM THOSE CHILDHOOD ASPIRATIONS?
Well, I used to work at a TV station. The company I was employed at sold the radio stations to a heartless conglomerate interested in homogonized radio & cookie cutter promotions & who's only mission statement is "The allmighty dollar". Back to the original question, its one degree of separation.
5. WOULD YOU RATHER JUST BE A PORN STAR?
Nah, it would eventually end up being "another day at work".
6. IF YOU WERE IN PORN, WHAT KIND OF PORN WOULD YOU MAKE?
As a producer, probably some epic picture set in the 1930's. Art deco everywhere and I would probably cast every male porn actor who could be billed "King Dong"
7. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL YOUR PORN MOVIE?
Probably King Dong.
8. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB/CAREER (INCLUDING PORN) WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I haven't given that much thought. I don't own a Mac G5 or anything with enough power to video edit, so I can't say I thought too seriously about either.
9. AMATEUR PORN FOR HOME USE, YES OR NO?
Why not.

SECTION TWO: WORK AND JESUS

10. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
Hard to say. He's kinda hard to find in this day & age.
11. WHEN DO YOU CALL ON GOD MORE, DURING SEX OR WHEN FRUSTRATED?
Frustrated.
12. IF GOD ACTUALLY SHOWED UP WHILE YOU WERE SAYING "OH, GOD" IN BED, WHAT EXACTLY WOULD YOU DO?
Probably throw him a camera to take some pictures.
13. QUIET. NO ONE'S LOOKING. ACROSS FROM YOU IS YOUR FRIEND THE WANNABE HIPPY, WICCAN, SAVE THE DOLPHINS FROM THE WHALES, BAN BRAS, MOTHER EARTH, CALL ON THE GODDESS SORT OF PERSON. YOU HAVE THIS SINGLE CHANCE TO DO ANYTHING TO THEM WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING IT WAS YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Stage blood. Gallons & gallons of stage blood. Everywhere.
14. WHILE AT WORK, YOUR EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS COWORKER PROCEEDS TO ENGAGE YOU ABOUT YOUR LACK OF RELIGION, WHAT DO YOU DO?
Kindly remind them that the workplace isn't the sort of forum to discuss those matters, and if that doesn't send them away, ignoring them usually works. So does death metal CD's in that drawer with all those fun rubber stamps. Maybe some gay pornography peppering the walls behind my monitor and a bottle of baby oil & have me reach for the baby oil... WHAT? Don't look at me like that!
15. YOU'VE BEEN LEFT BEHIND AND THE END IS NIGH. PANIC, FIND JESUS, OR PARTY?
Party. Hard.
16. YOUR FIRST THOUGHTS UPON ARRIVING AT WORK:
"Are we off the air?"
17. YOUR LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE LEAVING WORK:
"Where am I gonna grab lunch?"
18. APPROXIMATE TIME YOU START COUNTING HOW LONG UNTIL LUNCH:
8:12 am.
19. COFFEE AT WORK. YES, NO, OR THE WORLD WILL END WITHOUT IT?
No. The coffee brewed at the radio station could patch roofs.
20. YOUR SALARY. UNDERPAID, ADEQUATELY PAID, OR PLEASE GOD LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY?
Lotto. DAMN YOU POWERBALL!!! WHERE'S MY PAYOFF?
21. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY AT YOUR JOB IF YOU WERE JESUS?
No. I'd probably have every suck-up at the office attatched to any and every excretious orifice being my "yes man" and hindering my job performance.
22. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY IF YOU SLEPT WITH THE BOSS?
*shudders*
23. IS MAKING MORE MONEY WORTH SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS?
*shudders harder*

SECTION THREE: SPIRITUAL, SEXUAL HODGEPODGE OF LIFE

24. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
Yes. 2005 Dodge Neon SXT
25. IF SO, DO YOU LOVE YOUR CAR?
I do. It's a fun little car.
26. IF YOU'RE A NAMER OF CARS, WHAT DID YOU NAME IT?
Penny. That was an issue last year.
27. HAVE YOU BEEN SEXUAL IN YOUR CAR?
Not this one.
28. ON YOUR CAR?
Not this one.
29. WITH YOUR CAR?
Eeeeew. Not this one.
30. LUBE. YES, NO, OR WOOHOO?
Why not - wait, are we still talking about cars?
31. CONSIDER YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT HUMAN. WORTH DYING FOR?
Not applicable - human? WTF?
32. WORTH SITTING THROUGH A SEASON OF SURVIVOR FOR?
Not applicable.
33. IF THEY'RE WORTH DYING FOR, BUT NOT WATCHING SURVIVOR FOR, WOULD THEY ASSIST YOU IN THE STALKING AND MURDER OF EVERYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE CREATION OF SURVIVOR?
I can say yes with certainty.
34. YOU'RE STUCK ON AN ISLAND WITH YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/BUTT BUDDY AND ONE ITEM. WHAT ITEM IS IT?
Butt buddy? Wow. A Star Trek Replicator. Those things are fucking awesome.
35. YOUR LOVER HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A CHICKEN. NOW WHAT?
I dunno, is this chicken talking?
36. THE FUCK? CHICKEN?
You posed the question...

SECTION FOUR: GOD DAMNED STUPID SHIT

37. PICK A COLOR
Red, why?
38. PICK A CONDOM
Trojan, again, why?
39. PICK A SONG
Paradise by the Dashboard Light. Why?
40. PICK A VACATION DESTINATION
For the love of- Chicago. WHY?
41. CAN YOU ENVISION YOURSELF HAVING SEX WITH THE COLORED CONDOM YOU CHOSE IN THE DESTINATION YOU PICKED WHILE LISTENING TO SAID SONG?
Dear God no. The mental images of Meatloaf screaming and his jowls wiggling would make me laugh.
42. NEW LAW DICTATES THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GAI AND SILLY INTERNET CYBERPET OR YOU'LL HAVE YOUR GENITALS REMOVED WITH A RED HOT POKER AND A SPOON. WHAT DO YOU PICK?
Id ask for a spork.
43. BIRD OR FISH?
fish
44. THE ABOVE-AS A PET OR AS DINNER?
Dinner. So WTF was that chicken question about earlier?
45. WHAT YOU'RE BEST AT--
Technology. It comes naturally for me.
46. WHAT YOU SUCK AT--
Controlling my mouth.
47. WHAT YOU REALLY FUCKING SUCK AT--
Saying my true feelings for a loved one.
48. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Not that I know of.
49. DO YOU WISH ON THE STARS?
Yes. I'd like to believe they come true.
50. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Wednesday morning checking emails. I found out my friend's dog died protecting the family.
51. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes.
52. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes.
53. ARE YOU A DAREDEVIL?
I guess I would consider myself one, but probably nothing like skydivers & alligator wrestlers.
54. DO LOOKS MATTER?
I think so. If you're wearing your lunch on your clothing, that's kinda hard NOT to notice.
55. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Driving. Everyone knows I do it. Its so therapeutic.
56. WHAT WERE YOUR FAVORITE TOYS AS A CHILD?
Legos. Piles & piles of legos.
57. WHAT CLASS IN HIGH SCHOOL WAS TOTALLY USELESS?
German class. To this day I still can't read or speak it.
58. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES?
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Kill Bill (1&2), Tomb Raider, Spiderman (1&2), Back to the Future (trilogy), Office Space, The Getaway
59. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Mikey, GTA, Ringmaster (damn you Yolie), Prof. Faggot Q. Boredom (damn you Vanessa), Einstein, Easter Bunny (damn you Eddie)
60. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Only on one pair. The other pair I don't.
61. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE STRONG?
I think so. Been through a lot at a young age.
62. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Its a Blue Bunny flavor "Rabbit Trax"
63. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Red, blue, green.
64. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I cannot fall asleep fast. I often have too much on my mind.
65. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Eveyln.
66. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Leftover spaghetti.
67. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?
The Eagles - The Last Resort
68. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Torch Red (I miss my Mustang)
69. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE WITH ON THE PHONE?
Wilson
70. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes
71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?
Smirnoff, neat.
72. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I wish. The astigmatism I have is so slight, there are no contacts to correct it.
73. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR?
Spring.
74. WINTER OR SUMMER - WHAT DO YOU PREFER?
Summer.
75. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DESSERT?
Those Little Debbie brownies. They're like crack!
76. WHAT ARE YOU READING?
Recent issue of Sports Illustrated, Gran Turismo 4 game guide, PSP instruction manual, email.
77. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?
(at Sonitrol) SonNT logo.
(at Radio station) Kim Komando.
(at home) I got a laptop.
78. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV?
TiVo'ed episodes of Mythbusters.
79. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SMELLS?
Red 360, new car scent, new electronics scent, the air after a heavy rain, the ocean.
80. THE ROLLING STONES OR ELVIS?
The Beatles.
81. WHERE'S THE FURTHEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN FROM HOME?
Chicago IL.

OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED THE GT! YOU BASTARDS!

R.I.P. 2004-2007

Well, it was expected. Ford was only going to produce the Ford GT for a short time. Within that time, it has been one of the most sought after cars in the world, and even featured in both Gran Turismo 4 & in Ford Racing 2. It is to say, that the Ford GT is stepping aside to let an old friend step back into the picture as well.

2007 Shelby Mustang

Ford wasn't going to rest on its laurels with the GT. They want to bring back the muscle to muscle cars. You cannot look at this drop dead gorgeous Shelby and not drool uncontrollably. It is truly the stuff that dreams are made of.

With this said, I earnestly believe that if you have enough money to buy a Ford GT, you should have enough common sense not to "hot-dog" the car too badly. Come on, I know what you're saying "When you had your Mustang, Mike, you drove the wheels off of it". Rightfully so. I drove the car within its limits. All I am saying is, maybe if you bought a $200,000 dream machine like a Ford GT, you show more restraint than this complete dickhead.











Not that you'll pay attention to this bit of text after those tear-inducing pictures, but this dickhead owned this car for 2 days. Purchased from a dealership in Kansas, this car had an astounding 000,009 miles on the odometer. Yes, that's right, 9 miles were on the odometer when this incredibly fucked up dunderpate decided to mash the gas (and front clip) into a pole. No indication of injuries were said, but you know his heart was broken into little, FORD GT SIZED PIECES SCATTERED ALL OVER THE FUCKING BRIDGE THIS HAPPENED ON.

I wonder if he's willing to part with the rims...

I'm back in the saddle again.. I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK

You can't write out those lyrics without the shout. Damn, now I have mental images of Stephen Tyler's mouth tearing loose and running amok on his lower face.

It was my crowning joy, Gran Turismo 4. Every game reviewer on the planet reviewed the game and gave it their highest marks for gameplay and presentation. My PS2 at the time crapped out, so I went and bought a refurbished PS2 to replace it. Halfway thro one race around a simulated track and -POW!- I hear the CD spin in its moorings to a stop & the game just die.

That was back in July or August. It's been too long. I had bought one of the newer slimline models and started playing all over again, this time, hooking it (PS2) up to the huge 52" big screen in the living room. Needless to say, my years of being car sick came back. It felt awesome.

One thing I am starting to realize, to change the subject: TiVo is more addicting than many forms of over-the-counter medication. Last night I had a mini-TiVo viewing marathon of some of the shows I had missed the nights and days prior. After watching episodes of Family Guy, Mythbusters, Ghost Hunters and the Simpsons, I just happened to notice that it was fucking 12:47 at night! I had about 2 hours to nap and then come to work!

DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY AND YOUR INSATIABLE GRASP AROUND THE NECK OF THE 4 YEAR OLD CHILD THAT IS MY ATTENTION SPAN!

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

The scent of a woman

Its happened one time too many where a co-worker will be appling lotion and need to conveniently wipe the remnants on the closest person, usually its a guy. It was always one of those strange occurrences where you just think to yourself "why am I getting this frou-frou scented goop smudged on my arm/ face, neck?". Well, in an amazing epiphany, it came to me.

See, us guys are women's property. It's pretty easy to see, when they unload a heap of scented lotion onto our bodies, as annoying as it is to us, it tells other women out there that "this man has been around another woman intimately enough to retain my scent".

There's little us guys can do about this. Oh well, whatcha gonna do?

So I went on a shopping binge and all I got was this stupid blog entry

Yep. I did it. I went slightly overboard with my spending and I got some rather interesting things. First off, the idea that I paid off some of my debt - PFFFT! HA! Oh, that's a laugh and a half. You really expect me to sit here and tell you that with an extra chunk of change I would do something foolhardy and actually eliminate some debt?

How long have you known me?

First thing was first, I had to have some sort of plan, I didn't want to go half cocked and itching to just blow my wad (of cash, you sick bastards) on the first bit of electronics my trembling hands could get hold of. Then, once I was on the road, the plan fell through like a grease compromised paper bag full o' fried chicken and my impulsive instincts kicked in and I went all apeshit with the debit card.

First stop was at EB Games. I whipped out that card so fast I actually tore my wallet just a little. The PSP was finally mine. Then I jumped over to Best Buy and bought the 20 hour TiVo DVR. You see, there is a method to my madness. My madness is viewable TV shows ported to my laptop computer at my whim.

The TiVo website has a section that details how you can transfer TV shows recorded from your TiVo unit to your Windows based PC. All this means is I need to get myself a damn larger memory card for the PSP. It shipped with a 32mb memory card and to view a full hour program requires at least a 1gb memory card.

So what else is next on my shopping binge? For now, nothing. IM letting the bank rest a moment before going another round with my money. I still have yet to buy airplane tickets to Chicago, not to mention I need some new luggage. The luggage handlers somewhere along the lines going to Chicago broke the handle off the suitcase I had used for years (and has been around for at least 15 years), so I need some new travel gear, also thinking about upgrading the brakes on the Neon, not to mention I want a new mattress, laptop, desktop...

This is unexpected

Not that I am complaining about it, but yesterday I had some rather interesting news. It seems as a last act of "kindness", previous managment thought it would be nice to give everyone a year end bonus (in February?) as his final gesture of gratitude.

I had a few gestures for him, but wasn't much able to do them and retain my job.

I could get into the hear-say of what I think about that situation, or I can focus in on what I think is something completely awesome. Money. What I got as a "bonus" is about $15 more than my income tax check slated to come to me in 2 weeks. Combined, I have the ability to easily buy a lot of things.

If I pool my money together, I could buy a brand new Mac laptop. If I go apeshit on a spending spree (before getting the income tax refund check) I can buy:

• Sony PSP & Games/ Movies
• Video iPod
• Playstation 2
• Microsoft X-Box 360
• Apple Mac Mini
• TiVo
• new pillowtop mattress

Let's see what the day brings, I still have to go get the oil changed on the Neon, so who knows what I might buy when I am at the dealer...

So, what the hell have I been doing these past few days?

In short, this is what I have been up to (in no particular order):

• Submitting, re-submitting and God-why-is-there-so-much-paperwork-related-to-non-profits paperwork for the New Hampshire non-profit
• Taxes
• Gathering information for the final posting to Magic Landing blog
• Gathering information for an article I am thinking of writing for a new publication
• Sleep
• Gathering information for the new Mountain Shadow Lakes blog
• Work
• Planning vacation time months in advance
• Planning income tax spending

Im not purposely avoiding the internet, just got other things I'm doing.

Happy Single Awareness Day!

Hiatus

I am currently working on projects and will return to Blank Media soon.