One of the worst feelings in the world

Picture this: You are taking a break from work and you decide to walk outside to get a breath of fresh air. Several things start to indicate that you should have just sat down and taken that deep breath and not taken a second thought of it. Still, something compels you to walk outside. You get to the door, and forget (since its a magnetic lock security door) to click the green Exit button to open the door and slam face first into it. You should get the idea not to click the button and go out.

Yet you do. Or at least, I did.

The time was 9:55pm. The fluorescent lights are humming with little tiny bugs flying all around them and I decide to stand directly under one of them so I can check some voicemails gathered during my interment at the security company. I am hitting send for my voicemail box when the worst feeling flies into my ear canal - One of those tiny little bugs flies into my ear and decides to take a tour of my brain.

Your first instinct is to waive your arms like a maniac around your head to possibly deter other little bugs from following the leader into your skull and shake your head like a dog. Then the creepy realization that there's something living crawling inside you takes over your thoughts and makes you antsy, fidgety & downright useless to society except as an entertainer due to your lousy luck & rather hilarious floor show.

So, I am trying to logically think of ways to get the little bastard out. I grab a pen cap and jam the pointy end into my ear to try and scrape out the bastard. No luck. Then I think to myself "If they're attracted to the light, maybe if I shine a flashlight into my ear it'll fly out to the light and voila!". The only flashlight in the security company is broken & useless. So, I then get the brilliant idea to flush the bastard out with a cup of warm water. All I accomplished was a soaking wet shirt & no bug excavation.

Well, I figure the little bastard would come out on its own, see I don't have a brain and move on to others. I didn't feel it move around so I figured it was flushed out with the water, even though I didn't see it in the flotsam. Then, when I was relaxed and at ease, I felt the little bastard flutter around, hitting every surface of my ear canal. Again, I was fidgeting like a madman, only this time in front of my co-worker. Head shaking, drool flying from my mouth as I do so.

By the time I am scheduled to go home, I am a complete mental wreck. Settling to the idea that this bastard is in me 'till I get home, I figure a nice long cotton swab will excavate the little shit from my head. I get home, yank out the shithead from my ear and squish his carcass across the closest surface. For 2 hours he made my life a living hell, and gave everyone within sight of me a free show.

The next time I want to take a breath of fresh air, I won't.