Unconscious Actions -or- Why did I hit the garage door opener?

It's one of those strange things that we as humans do. We have set routines we follow, usually to and from work. Things such as adjusting the mirrors, plugging in an mp3 player, opening a sunroof are all things we sometimes do unconsciously at sometime during our drive. The one thing I can't explain is the stupid action I had today when picking up my carpool buddy.

I went through the motions. I grabbed the cell phone, rang his cell phone 3 times, downshifted to 4th, then 3rd, turned the corner and accelerated to 40mph then neutral. I pulled into his driveway, he placed his items in the back seat then got in. As I put the car in reverse, I also grabbed the garage door opener and gave it a press as we got back on the road.

Stupid me, I actually stared at his garage door expecting it to either open or close.

Then, the thought came to mind: What if the garage door at the house opened up?

Then I dismissed that thought. The fucking door doesn't open when I am pulling up to the house next door to us, what makes me think that where I was, 4 miles from the house, that the damn door would open up from that distance?

I bet others who read this share the same thought that the door will open up at a distance greater than 1 mile away.

Have you ever thought to yourself....

...what you would do with a large lotto jackpot?

Yeah, I know you have. Everyone does it. They think to themselves exactly how they would spend every penny of the money almost down to the cent, small detail or extravagant frivolous item. Well, I've done the same thing, but I think I have some paranoid thoughts invading my "dream home" out in the county.

I start imagining owning 20 acres of land, and on this land, I have a marvelous 5 bedroom custom built 2 story house with a 2 and a half car garage, split level & balcony overlooking a huge sweeping swimming pool & BBQ entertaining area. The house itself would have two special rooms, one dedicated office and another media control room to house all the houses internal controls for satellite, TiVo, phone service & security systems.

Then, I start pulling out the tinfoil hats.

I then start thinking "I need to protect my house from invading cellular signals, tracers & hackers wanting access to my wireless internet" so I start thinking about an episode of Mythbusters where they build a Faraday cage out of brass mesh (like window screen) and think to myself "I could build a special 'artistic' feature into the house by covering the entire perimiter with this brass mesh so it looks like an architectural feature, not some paranoid schitzo's internet-related nightmare.

Then I start getting worse with the thoughts.

I start thinking "if I wrap it around the outside, it will eventually break down with the elements, so why not build it INTO the house while it's being built?" and thats when things just go loopy. My house is an entire Faraday cage at this point, not allowing cell phone signals in, or out of the house, protecting me from security threats, cell phone hackers, satellite tracking systems trying to listen to my sordid phone calls & now psychotic ramblings of a rich, paranoid man.

Don't get me started on what I think the entry driveway should look like. You'd think I have something to hide by building a 10 foot wall, and a 10 foot channel on the inside perimiter of the wall for any would-be intruders to land a bone-shattering 20 feet to the concrete below.

You should see the security I imagined for the car garage in the back property!

Adventures in LUBE... wait, wha?

Lubricants, you know, engine oil?

Guess I should have been more specific.

So I was at the Lube & Go the other day and had to shell out some massive $$$ to get the oil changed.

Fuck that shit.

I thought, if I could start doing my oil changes at home, pocket the difference in labor, I am ahead each time I change the oil.

So, I went to buy the culprits. 5 quarts of Mobil 1 full synthetic (Penny has been swimming in synthetics since she was 3,000 miles old) a pan to catch the used oil, a new Bosch oil filter, and ramps.

I will elaborate in a moment.

So, the little sticker indicated I was now a thousand miles past my scheduled oil change. I went home with my supplies and started to jack the car up. Well, as I was jacking it up, the car started to SLIDE SIDEWAYS.

That was unsafe, so I stopped.

Crap, what do I do, I cant fit under the car, it sits 6 inches from the ground and I am nowhere near my old svelte size 4.

I head back to Autozone and buy car ramps. They raised the car a full foot off the ground and I easily slid under and started... to... undo... the FUCKING.... BOLT..... FOR THE OIL.

Leave it to Lube & Go to seal it with a waxy covering. It also sealed it just about to the crank case. After breaking that seal and unscrewing a fucking long bolt, I positioned the catch basin for the oil right where the oil should have landed. I say should have landed cause I horribly misjudged where it would flow.

Exxon Valdez eat your heart out.

So, after catching MOST of the oil in the pan, I geared up to take off the oil filter. That itself was a chore, damn thing was just as tight as the drain plug, it actually warped as I unbolted it. That fiasco also sent a nice spattering of 20 weight oil on the ground.

Finally I was done.replaced all fluids and got her back off the stands and sopped the spill up with some dirt.

So I sat back and marveled at doing my own oil again (I used to do it with the Mustang) and then I tallied up my spending.

Oil x5 quarts - $32.45
Oil Filter - $5.99
Oil receptacle - $7.99
Vehicle Ramps - $49.99
------------------
TOTAL - $96.42

So, as reference, I looked at an old Lube & Go receipt.

Final bill of sale was $60. If I subtract the cost of the ramps for the next oil change and the oil receptacle, my next oil change will cost me $38.44.

It was somewhat worth getting covered in used lubricants to ultimately gain back that $28, but that's a tank of gas.